Save You

Chapter 39 : Sorry

Midoriya's screams trailed further then expected. It didn't take long for the librarian to check in on the situation and call Recovery Girl. With Midoriya dragged away from him yet again, Bakugou was in an unstable state. He couldn't help but wonder if he was the cause of Midoriya's pain. 

Maybe I should just stay away from him. That way, he's not hurt.

Bakugou curled up against the bookshelf and pulled his knees to his chest, hiding his tear dripping face among the fabric of his clothes. Yet again, he'd managed to hurt Midoriya. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried - it was always the same outcome. 

Kirishima quickly heard of the news and rushed to the library, heart pounding with worry. Every time Bakugou was hurt, he was too late. He felt like he was watching his friend crumple from afar but couldn't reach him in time to be his hero. 'Failure,' Kirishima mumbled as he ran down the halls, 'I'm a failure.'

As soon as he reached the library, Kirishima ran down each aisle, calling Bakugou's name like his life depended on it. What if he was hurt again? Kirishima would never forgive himself. Seeing people he cared about fall was the worst feeling ever. He desperately wished that he could transfer Bakugou's suffering to himself just so he could see his smile. 

Finally, his eyes fell upon the crouched figure. Bakugou's body was shaking relentlessly with sobs, almost a replica of him after he found out about Midoriya's amnesia. 'Bakugou,' Kirishima whispers, tears pricking in the corner of his eyes. 

Instantly he wraps his arms around the boy, pulling him close to his chest. They cry together, their negative thoughts mingling with each other. 'I'm sorry Bakugou,' Kirishima sobs out. 'I'm so sorry.' 

Bakugou hears Kirishima's cries and feels his heart ache. Kirishima wasn't to blame, this was all on him. Midoriya's condition, Todoroki's mental state, All Might's retirement and Kirishima's tears - everything was because of him. But, his mouth refused to breathe those words. His mind refused to apologise which made him hate himself even more. 

'Every time you're in danger, I'm never there.' Kirishima whispers, tears finally drying. 'I always make empty promises and fail you.' There was a pause, Kirishima hiccups in between, voice strained. 'With Kamino, the incident and now... I keep failing. I hate myself, I hate myself so much, I-'

Bakugou places a hand over Kirishima's mouth, silencing his negative self-talk. 'When will you fucking understand dammit!' Bakugou yells, tears still pouring from his eyes. 'You save me every fucking time! Do you not understand how fucking happy I felt to see you that night? How safe I felt just from hearing your fucking voice?' 

'And with Stain, you came straight away. Without me even telling you, you were there dealing with my bullshit yet again.' Bakugou wipes away his tears with his sleeve, 'so don't you dare say you fucking fail when you're right here, trying to pick up all my pieces again.'

Never had Kirishima felt so touched. Bakugou's words went straight to his heart, making him sob yet again. This whole past month had been a nightmare. Actually, this whole life had been. Even with the happiness, there was still so much darkness. It wasn't fair, nothing seemed to ever go right.

'I just want you to be happy,' Kirishima whispers, his head bowed. 'I'd break myself over and over again, pull myself limb for limb just to see you smile.'

Bakugou feels his stomach drop at Kirishima's words. During this past month, he only ever though about himself. He was grateful for Kirishima's help, but he never made sure he was okay. This whole time he'd been neglecting Kirishima's awkward positioning in this mess and worrying about himself. Guilt ate away at him, he internally cursed himself for being such a monster. 

'No.' 

Kirishima looks up, surprised at Bakugou's answer. He honestly expected for Bakugou to blast him into next week for even forcing these emotions upon him. But when Kirishima saw, Bakugou's face, his heart sunk. There was so much regret, sorrow and guilt clouding his eyes. Kirishima just wished he could make it disappear. 

'I don't want you to destroy yourself for me.' Bakugou continues, 'do you really think I'd be fucking happy with my best friend in that situation?' Kirishima slowly shakes his head, feeling slightly targeted by Bakugou's aggressive form of comfort.

'I'm sorry.' Bakugou mumbles, finally getting those two hefty words off his chest. 'Ever since Kamino you've been worrying over me and neglecting yourself. I never realised how much Kamino affected you and just how destroyed you were, so I'm sorry.' 

Kirishima's eyes widen at the mention of Kamino. 'Who told you about Kamino?' 

'Dunce did.' Bakugou answers, 'I asked him after you mentioned it this morning.' The room fell silent, only their breathing to be heard. 'I never realised how much it affected you.'

'Well of course it would affect me,' Kirishima replies. 'My best friend was kidnapped and I couldn't do anything about it. It was only normal for me to worry over it.'

'Dunce said you were unresponsive that night.' Bakugou mentions, 'apparently Pinky couldn't even manage to make you talk.'

Kirishima scratches the back of his neck with an awkward smile plastered on his face. Part of him felt embarrassed over Bakugou finding out about how weak his was, the other part felt ready to give Kaminari a piece of his mind.

'Yeah ... I just didn't know what to think. I could hardly register that you were really gone.' Kirishima thinks back to that night, when the group that set out to save Bakugou returned with a sobbing Midoriya. 'Hearing Aizawa announce your kidnapping was the worst moment of my life. I just suddenly felt the empty air beside me and realised that he wasn't lying, you were really gone.'

Bakugou frowned at Kirishima's recount, remembering his own experience. 'I get what you mean. I've never felt as lonely as I did during that time. It was like the walls were closing in on me.'

'I'm sorry.' Kirishima whispers, 'for everything that has happened to you.'

Bakugou nods in acceptance, knowing that by rejecting Kirishima's apology it'd make the boy feel even worse. 

'I'm sorry too.'

• • •

A/N: Here's a double update~ Thank you all so much for the support! :)