Save You

Chapter 42 : What If

After hearing Kirishima's confession, Kaminari felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. He and the others knew Kirishima wasn't in the best mindset, but they never predicted it to be so severe.

The two sat in silence for a while, neither speaking a word. There was a heavy tension between the two, only Kirishima's quiet sobs and Kaminari's breathing were to be heard.

'Hey Kiri,' Kaminari begins, gaining Kirishima's attention. 'When was the last time you thought about yourself?'

Kirishima let out a dull chuckle, full of hurt. 'I dunno really.' He answers whilst looking out the window with lifeless eyes. 'I just know I have to keep going. Even when I'm on my last legs, I just know that I need to push through.'

'That's not healthy though, you know? You can't help anyone until you help yourself.' Kaminari argues, eyebrows creasing in worry.

Kirishima let's put another laugh but it's quiet and sad, barely audible in the silent room. 'But what if helping others helps me?' Kirishima asks. 'What if my only source of happiness is to help others?'

Kaminari falls silent, unsure of what to say. There was a million different ways he could reply yet he knew Kirishima was too sensitive at the moment to hear any. But, Kaminari felt a strong calling to voice his opinion. He needed to help his friend, even if his words were cruelly true.

'Then that must mean that you haven't learnt to love your own flaws first.'

• • •

It was dark. The room around Midoriya looked a lot like a classroom. Before him was the same notebook he'd seen earlier in his memory. 'Hero's Analysis for the Future, No: 13' was scrawled across the light blue cardboard in a thick permanent marker.

Under the notebook was a desk, his desk he assumed. But, there was markings all across it; small words that he could barely make out.

For some reason, he was alone in the classroom. There wasn't anyone for him to speak with. His only accompany was the small bento box he had laid out before him.

With a sigh, Midoriya lifted his chopsticks in preparation to eat his meal (which looked homemade, perhaps his mother made it for him.)

Just before he could chew the first bite of food, the classroom door slammed open, a presence stalking towards him. Midoriya's chair is pulled out viciously from underneath him, forcing the boy to land on the ground with a thud.

Midoriya rubs his back, eyes squinted in utter confusion. Before him stood a figure, only their silhouette being visible. Just like earlier on, they repeated the same words.

'Oi, Deku.'

With a gasp, Midoriya flung forward, his chest tight from the restriction of air. He noticed that he was in the nurse's office at school, laying on the bed.

Beside him was Todoroki, who rubbed his eyes sleepily as if he'd just awoken. 'Midoriya? Is everything okay?' He asks, looking at the boy with great concern.

'Y-Yeah, everything is fine.' Midoriya answers, still feeling startled. Even though his dream wasn't one filled with blood and gore, he still felt uneasy. There was something about that person's voice that made him afraid.

Todoroki frowns as he noticed Midoriya's knitted eyebrows and him picking nervously at the skin surrounding his fingernails. He knew Midoriya's habits, he could tell he was nervous. There was next to nothing that Midoriya could hide from him.

'Are you sure?' Todoroki asks, not wanting to push too hard. It'd been a big day for Midoriya and the last thing he needed was Todoroki being on his case.

Midoriya nodded slowly. 'I-I just had a weird dream, that's all.' His eyes meet Todoroki's and he can feel himself calm down. There's something about Todoroki's soft expression that relaxes Midoriya; it makes him feel safe.

Todoroki just nods, not pressing any further. Midoriya can tell him when he likes, there's no pressure. He'd rather Midoriya tell him when his comfortable doing so.

'How did I get here though?' Midoriya asks, suddenly realising that it's not exactly normal to awaken in the nurse's office. 'Did something happen?'

'You fainted,' Todoroki explained softly. 'We think it may of been another memory.'

Midoriya nods slowly, staring at his hands that are nearly folded in his lap. He was unbelievably frustrated. There was so much he wished to know about. He wanted to remember the story behind his scarred hands, the memories he'd built with his friends, his dreams, his failures.

He just wanted to remember himself; Midoriya Izuku.

It was so frustrating that a few tears pooled within his green orbs, daring to slip past his boundaries. Todoroki was shocked and instantly regretted telling Midoriya. It was too soon, he should've waited.

'I'm sorry.' Todoroki whispers, reaching for one of Midoriya's scarred hands to hold within his own. 'I said things too soon, didn't I?'

'No it's not that.' Midoriya whimpers, wiping away a tear. 'I'm just a so frustrated. I want to remember who I am so, so badly. But, whenever I do, it hurts.' Another few tears escape, Midoriya's eyes turning a bloodshot red.

'It hurts, it hurts so much Todoroki. I just want to remember you, and my mum, and Uraraka, and Iida.' Midoriya takes a shaky breath inwards, 'I want to remember me.'

Todoroki pulls Midoriya against his chest, engulfing him in a warm hug. The moment Midoriya's head hits the soft fabric of Todoroki's shirt, he begins to sob. It was hurtful to hear, Todoroki could sense the pain that was escaping Midoriya through every tear.

'I know you do.' Todoroki mumbles into Midoriya's soft hair. It hurt seeing Midoriya so broken, so lost and confused. What hurt even more was feeling the guilt from lying to your best friend. 'It'll be okay.'

Midoriya just nods sadly, his tears beginning to lessen. He just wanted to run away, to escape this life. There was so much pressure on him, he felt like he was being watched by everyone, them just waiting for him to remember.

No matter what, Midoriya felt like his was repeatedly failing everyone. He didn't miss the sadness and disappointment in Todoroki's eyes when he recounted his first memory. Or how All Might sighed.

There's so many people waiting for Midoriya, for his recovery. But, Midoriya couldn't help but wonder what would happen if he just didn't remember.

• • •

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for not updating for a while. I have exams coming up soon so studying is basically the only thing on my mind 😂
Thank you so much for over 30K reads and 1K votes! I seriously am so grateful and happy that people are enjoying my work.
Thank you always for all the support and I'll try to update when I can!
~ m00n_child_