Reflection (Book #2)

Chapter Twenty-Five

“Liles, look! We got a cat!” Eleanore said, holding him up as I sat at the breakfast bar enjoying my cereal.

            I smiled. It was the first thing to really bring me joy in two months. “Oh, my God! What’s his name?”

            “What do you think we should name him?”

            “Mr. Whiskers, because his whiskers are really long.” I looked at the black cat with white patches around his face and paws, and under his belly.

            “I love that name!” Clare shouted.

            The cat jumped out of El’s arms onto the counter top and perched up onto the bar to peer into my bowl. A hearty laugh started our day in the middle of November. Mr. Whiskers immediately made friends with me. He slept by my feet every night. He even enjoyed Kyle’s company, who was surprised because he said most animals were indifferent about him.

            The phone rang one night and Kyle jumped up to answer it. He seemed especially tense. “Yes... Yes… No… Better, lately, but not great… Yes, still.”

            I leaned in closer to try to hear what Dion was saying, but he leaned away.

            “I can’t help it!” he shouted.

            Oh.

            “Well things would be easier if you’d just- Fuck it.” He held the phone out to me. “I can’t take it. You can answer questions about yourself better than I can.” Kyle walked out.

            “Hello,” I mumbled. “I’m sorry for whatever just happened.”

            “It’s okay. I shouldn’t have asked him so many questions about you I guess. How are you feeling?”

            “We got a cat.”

            “I heard about that. Mr. Whiskers. He seems to have taken to you. Unfortunately I’ve read that normally they do that when they can tell a person is sad. So, that’s why I’ve been putting the pressure on. I thought you would be feeling better by now.”

            “Really? That’s kind of stupid.”

            His laughter was clipped, not what I was used to. “I know. He told me you’re still having nightmares?”

            “I don’t remember them. They don’t bother me. He’s the one who notices.”

            “And you’re still upset?”

           I sat up in my bed, trying to conjure up an image of his face in my mind so I could feel like we were talking in person.  “About the baby? Kind of. I think I’m going to be for a long time. Eventually I’ll accept that it just wasn’t going to happen. If we both would have died, we did the right thing. So I try not to be too upset. It’s still hard but it’s getting easier.”

            “I shouldn’t have been so harsh on you.”

            “When?” I asked.

            “All the time. When you were growing up, especially after you turned sixteen.” He added a little chuckle and it made me smile.

            “I’m really glad to see that you’re happy,” I said honestly.

            His mood darkened so quickly that I felt it through the phone. “‘Happy’?” He sighed. “I’m not happy, baby.”

            “Don’t call me baby when you’ve talked to me twice in two months and I haven’t seen you!”

            “It’s habit,” he grumbled.

            “I’m sure it is. What else did you ask him?”

            “Uh, I was asking him about how your body is healing."

            I groaned. “Why is that part of his job here being a friend to the two of us?”

            “He was very aware of it, trust me. It’s not a big deal. It’s different to us.”

            “It’s a big deal to me.”

            “Dually noted.”

            “If you aren’t coming back, why are you so worried about me?”

            “Because I am also your parent, siblings, and best friend, remember?”

            “Funny. It’s really hard because…” Don’t you dare start crying right now. Goddammit… “I feel like you and I are one person. You’re a part of me. You’re the only person I can talk to about my problems, and you are the problem, and you’re gone.”

            “You can’t keep crying over me. Eventually it has to stop.”

            “Kyle is back,” I announced as he walked into the room. I clenched the phone close to my face, as the pain reappeared in my chest. “Please come back. I love you so much.” I held the phone out for Kyle as I covered my mouth and curled up in the fetal position to cry.

December came with deep snowfall and dragging Kyle to bars with me. He fussed when I wore short dresses, swearing I was going to get sick, but I told him I was one of very few people who still had no tattoos because I hadn’t been bitten and I was going to show it off.

I held his hand as we walked into the bar. He looked old enough, so most of the time they let me in as long as I had him buy our drinks. He wasn’t as overzealous as Clare. He didn’t buy an entire bottle of whiskey. He simply ordered beers and suggested that I sip slowly rather than getting slammed right off the bat. I typically ended up standing at the bar showing my fake ID after two slow beers, begging the barkeep for a double shot of anything.

I downed the rum and shook my head as I sat the glass back down. I sauntered back to the table and pulled Kyle onto the dancefloor with me.

He laughed. “This isn’t what this night was supposed to be.”

“What was it supposed to be?”

“A quiet night of a few beers with my friend.”

“Well your friend just had a lot more rum than she’s ever had, and she wants to dance, so do you mind?”

He smiled. “I don’t mind, actually. I’d love to dance with you.” He put his arms around my waist and I put my head on his shoulder. “Not a rum fan?” he asked.

“I normally go for darker liquors.”

“I prefer darker liquors myself. Clear stuff is more for teenagers.”

I laughed. “You’re twenty-five.”

“I’m forty-five.”

The jukebox cranked up and I wasn’t sure it had been played in the last twenty years. The tune that came out of it was music from before my dad’s time, even. Merle Haggard sang ‘I Think I’ll Just Stay Here and Drink’.

“You look twenty-five. Do you feel forty?”

“Not really. I feel thirty, maybe. I’m not sure if anyone ever feels forty," he answered.

Apparently, seeing someone use the jukebox raised interest in it, because people kept using it until we left. They picked some very nice songs to dance to, but after two more songs we retired back to our seats. Kyle chose to partake in a shot of rum with me in the spirit of being young for a night. He was the first to puke, and I couldn’t stop laughing, until I puked, too. We hailed a cab just before the sunrise started.