Reflection (Book #2)

Chapter Twenty-Seven

“Would you like to celebrate Winter Solstice with your housemates?” Kyle asked.

            I shook my head.

            “Would you like to celebrate with me?”

            “Aren’t you going to be with Dionisie?” I asked.

            “He wanted me to ask you first.”

            “I just need food and beer.”

            “Are you sure you don’t need company?” He smiled brightly.

            I groaned. I hated being coerced by Dion through him. It was incredibly effective. “Which is his preference? Would he rather I celebrate with the girls or with you?”

            “He prefers that you’re with me, because he knows that you’re safe," Kyle said.

            “What if I want you to spy on him for me?”

            “He’s an honest man, normally. If you ask him a question, he should answer.”

            “Fine. You can hang with me,” I conceded, trying to pretend I wasn’t happy about it. I did like it a little bit that Dion was worried about me. Winter Solstice was very much different than it had been with Dion. I was used to spending all my holidays with him.

Instead of spending my afternoon watching Dionisie prepare a meal for me in the kitchen of his apartment, I watched carefully selected movies with Kyle, who thought simple things were funny. I found very few jokes to be humorous.

The same bullshit solicitation happened two days before New Years Eve, as well, and I told him he could celebrate with me, but, “You have to buy the beer.”

            “Beer and rum. I know the requirements for our friendship.” He was still smiling as he picked up the phone and dialed Dion’s house number. “Yes, she agreed to celebrate with me… It only took an agreement to buy her booze… Yes, I am aware of her age and frailty… I will take care of her. You’ve trusted me this far, haven’t you?”

            I scoffed.

            “Yes, she did just scoff… I think she believes that she’s capable of caring for herself...” He turned to me. “He would like for me to remind you of a particular voice message stating, and I quote ‘I can kill myself just fine without your help’.”

            “Give me the phone.”

            He handed me the phone begrudgingly.

            “I was in a very low point of my grief at that moment, Dion. It was my birthday, just after an abortion, after which you left me, and I was drunk. You didn’t even call to tell me happy birthday. That has to be the only birthday you’ve missed for my entire life. I’m allowed to have a few suicidal days surrounding an event like that. I was upset that you had saved me just to put me through something even more gruesome. You leaving hurt more than when my parents died. So I wanted to end it. I’d be crazy if I hadn’t wanted to, I think.”

“Are you past that now?” Dion asked.

“Hearing your voice makes me feel better.”

“You’re going to become an alcoholic.”

“There are worse things to be.”

“Like a vampire?” He asked, only half joking.

“Oh, my God. You are impossible to speak to.”

“I’m sorry. Start over. You’re going to become an alcoholic," Dion repeated.

“There are worse things I could be.”

“Like what?”

“A Christian," I said.

He laughed so hard I thought I heard him tip his chair over. “Your parents would be so proud!”

“Of course they would! Look at what all I’ve fucked up so far!” Shit. “I didn’t mean-”

“Don’t worry about it. Just put Kyle back on the phone.”

I handed him the phone, sighing. Why does it always end like this?

“He wants us to go to the bar. He’s worried that if we stay here things will get… heated between the two of us. In public he thinks we’ll stay austere.”

"That's not... I don't know why he would feel that way. You're my friend."

"I know, but Dion has always been territorial," Kyle said carefully. 

"Yeah, even when he doesn't want me."