Forced to Start Again

So Many Questions, So Many Regrets

| TWO DAYS LATER |

Xander screamed as if his life depended on it. The scientists never numbed him or knocked him unconscious when they operated on him unless it was really necessary and he was being to much of a problem. Limited supplies he guessed. He would usually just fall in and out of consciousness from the pain and the blood loss.

His throat was scratchy and raw and he was near the point of losing his voice, once again. It wasn't a rare happening. A couple days ago he was being extra troubling and they knew they couldn't do anything while he was struggling like he was. Though, now he didn't have the energy to even do that.

What felt like an eternity later, they patched him back up and then left him there to catch his breath and recover. He stared out into a dim lit room, each wall made of the same grey and boring stone. Raina had mentioned that their base took place in dug out caves in the Grand Canyon. What the Grand Canyon was is unknown to him, but it sounded like some sort of landmark or tourist attraction. He might ask Raina sometime, he wasn't sure why he hadn't before.

Closing his eyes, he tried to focus on dulling the pain or something. Convince himself that it wasn't hurting too bad so maybe he would trick his mind. When soft footsteps came into the room he immediately knew it belonged the young Raina. Keeping his eyes closed, he winced when the short girl brushed a few strands of hair away from his face.

"Sh, it's okay, I won't hurt you, I came to tell you a few things." she said soothingly, sitting down next to the table as he peeked his eyes open. "After you get a bit stronger, we're going to let you leave."

Heart racing, he yearned for that to happen, but how was he to know that this wasn't some trick? The people here weren't exactly trust worthy.

"I promise, and I never break my promises, but.. there are a few conditions."

This's what he was talking about. There were always rules and limits. Something that even made freedom sound like, well, like it wasn't freedom.

"We will be monitoring you constantly, and you won't be dropped off by civilization and you will be taken back here if you venture into cilivization. Now, the changes in you have been completed and finalized. We're sure that they're going to work."

"What changes?" he softly growled out, staring up at her with a mix of blended emotions.

"I'm getting to that, Bambi, be patient.. though, when he set you free we have tasks for you to complete, and here's where our research comes in. We've unlocked a few things inside your mind - you know of that voice that you've been hearing, for how long?"

Tongue running over his front teeth, he hesitated to answer.

"Since I was born.. it's.. it's always been there."

"Beautiful, just beautiful.. well, we found an area of your brain that was mostly unused, and.." she smiled, almost vibrating in excitement, "we turned it on. Oh, Bambi, you hold so much power and strength inside of you."

"What's the task?" he questioned, voice coming out raspy and weak.

"Oh, right, yes.. you can shift into any animal that you wish."

Confusion swirled about his mind, eyebrows creased together.

"Study that animal for a few months, learn everything you can about it.. using your heritage you can communicate with the animal on a certain level, am I right?"

"Ya, but.. but what did you do to me?!" he snarled, pulling forward at her but he only putting his broken body under unneeded strain.

"We made you better."

And then she left, hips swaying in pleasure, the short skirt that she wore swinging in rhythm.

"You can't just tell me all that then leave - come back!" he shouted, but soon he was drawn into a coughing fit. "Please," he whined softly before laying back down again the hard surface. Ashamed to admit he was terrified, he tried once more to just trick his mind into thinking something else. He flexed his stiff fingers, taking deep breaths to try and calm himself. He had no idea on what to think. It wasn't as if he didn't have a good reason to panic, but it just didn't feel right.

He needed to be strong, not like this - weak. He was weak.

And the voice that Raina mentioned? Whenever he told other people about it.. they all thought he was crazy, but as he got older the voice seemed to branch out into multiple, narrating his entire life, warning him and just being there. Never once have they actually helped him, they only made life worse for him. Why was all of this happening to him? Was he some chosen victim or something? Because he wants a refund, he doesn't want this. Someone else can have all the attention and glory, someone else can go through this, not him, honestly, he just wants to be dead, he deserves to be dead.

His entire family is. His wife and their two little girls, his parents and his siblings. Ya, he was the youngest of them all but he still was the one who always did all he could to take care of them, and he was done with it. If this is where helping people gets you, then he's done. Everyone can fend for their own damn self. He didn't want to be some noble martyr or a sacrifice to save anyone, he just wanted to have a happy life with his family, but instead they burned. All of them. Burned. Dead. His home. Gone. And now he was here, trapped down to a table where daily he was experimented on like some lab rat. Well, maybe that's all he was now.

He didn't even know, but did he really want to? He fears he'd only find out something he'd regret. Since where was life this hard? Says him. Even back on his home planet life wasn't exactly easy, but compared to what he has now, he sorta wants all that back. If only he knew how well he had it back then to what he would have in his future he would have appreciated it so much more, told the people he loved that he loved them and he would've stopped being so selfish about his own life, because maybe if he would've died back there instead of cowering and hiding he wouldn't have ended up here.

Oh, the irony.