the lonelier version of you

how could he?

I answered my phone feeling anxious.

"Hello?" I said.

"Uh, hey Iris." He said sounding a bit nervous.

"Hey Patrick. Are you doing okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, a lot better now. I'm sorry I Haven't called, I-"

"It's alright" I said as my eyes made their way down the list of names on the board. My name was at the very bottom, I would be playing Cinderella. My mouth let out an excited squeal.

"Are you alright?" Patrick asked. I suddenly realized what I had done.

"Yeah I'm fine. I just found out I'm going to be Cinderella in this huge ballett in thee months. So when will you be coming back to Chicago?" I asked wanting to change the subject and get the answer to what I've been waiting for.

"Well see, I uh.. I'm not really sure." He said.

"You're not coming back for me, are you?" I said sadly as I stood in the chilly air. I felt my heart sink, break, and shatter.

"I'm so sorry Iris." He said quietly.

"Then why did you even call me at all?!" I yelled at him over the phone. I felt the warm tears roll down my cold cheeks.

"I just felt-"

"You shouldn't of! You should of just left me alone from the beginning and I wouldn't be in this mess. I lost friends because of you! I lost my job because of you!" I yelled forgetting I was in public and there were people passing by me on the side walk with scared looks and looks of pity.

"Iris, I -"

"No! I must be crazy in the first place for ever falling in love with someone who stalked me in the beginning." I said

" You lov-" I cut him off this time by hanging up. I didn't mean to admit it, I didn't even know until now. I knew because of the hollowness and pain I was left with. 

As I walked home with my head down and tears in my eyes blurring my vision. I thought of what I could of done better maybe for him to like me more. That thought was instantly over run by my anger. How dare he follow me around, bring me presents, and admit to liking me when he was already married. Why did he stay and take care of me while my leg healed? Was this all just some sick game to him because he's famous or something? Why did I like him so much any way? I began to think of how his kind green eyes melted me or his smooth yet awkward smile and laugh. I felt so mixed up inside.

I went home and ploped into my bed face down and just cried for the longest time. At some point my phone began to wring and I fished it out of my pocket.

It was Patrick again. It took every ounce of will power in my body not to answer it. What if he wanted to apologize, what if he made a mistake? Part of me wanted to answer the phone in case he decided he was coming back, the other part of me didn't want to know and didn't want to speak to him ever again.