Odd one out

Goodbye

As I stand near my parents grave I feel blank. Numb. I don't know why I feel like this but I do. There are no tears begging to be let out, no wish to run. It doesn't hurt, I am not hurting, but why?

I stay wondering if that makes me a bad person or not until I am pulled away by my tia.

"Come on mija, lets go home."

I nod and follow her. She has tears streaming down her face, not for my father nor mother, but for her sister.

My tia always told me stories about how when they were younger they would play together and sneak out at night. They were the best of friends she told me.

When my tia talked about my mother, she seemed so happy and fun. I would always wonder; Was I the one who took her happiness away? Was she hitting me to get it back? Why was she so different in the stories and in reality?

I would blame myself for things I knew weren't my fault. I felt guilty for so many years, even now, for nothing. I would let them beat me, call me names, boss me around like a little slave, and for what?

All I could feel was anger. I looked down to see I was clutching the car door. I got in and we drove to her- I mean our house. As I walked into my room, I see all my stuff has been put up, plus more.

Posters of bands and other single artists I like are up, the walls are black with red smoke, black dressers with gold nobs. It was beautiful, like it was made just for me. I felt like I didn't deserve this. Any of it.

But I was too selfish not to take it. Of course I'd say thank you and be grateful though, I'm not and ingrate.

I opened the notebook on my desk and started writing. When I checked the time it was 3:36.

Shit.

I set my alarm for 6:49 and fell asleep.

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So sorry. It's my first book and I don't really have a clear picture of what in writing. Things just come to me as I go. I'm trying I really am. Also, I don't really like talking about myself so I'm just going to skip some of the endings.