Revelations {Merthur} - DISCONTINUED

Chapter 1; Yearning

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters or places, I only own the plot and Eric and Ludwig (which appear in chapter 4). Thank you.

        I stalked into the shared chambers of Gaius and I, and rested myself on one of the table benches. I let out a subdued groan- trying to make my irritation lessen by any possible amount. I was quite frustrated and stressed lately, which explained my many corporeal pains. Gaius glanced at me before continuing to fix his tonic.

"What is it, Merlin?" he had asked in an absent-minded expression.

"Arthur," I groaned further "he's been working me ill, lately..."

"Well, maybe you should ask for a day off..." he and I both peered at each other before gently chuckling at the idea. Arthur would never give me a day off, even if my life depended on it...

Gaius then sat opposite of me and interweaved his fingers before giving me a hard, sorrowful look. His eyes calculated over my being, I knit my eyebrows together in confusion.

"Merlin," he halted with hesitation, then continued with caution "has something been bothering you? Not regarding work with Arthur?" I felt my eyes dilate with fear and my body tense. I thought I had been good at hiding secrets, I thought that my act had been well played... Gaius' eyes bored into my spirit, still waiting for an answer, and yet I couldn't help but stay unresponsive. My mouth hung ajar while I obtusely scattered my brain for lies. Gaius' face contorted with sorriness by virtue of his previous question and what mental state it had left me in. He located his now untangled hands atop my own.

"You don't have to tell me, Merlin, but if it becomes too heavy of a burden, know that I shall always be here to help you heal." He gave me a reassuring smile and patted my hands before getting up to tend to his table of miscellanious brews. He had always been like a father to me and it hurt to know that I hid a part of myself from him. My love for men, for the King. I watched him brew silently until a graceful knock came from the door-  we knew it was Morgana.

I got up and welcomed her into our small yet snug dwelling as I have for the past few years. She smiled at me elegantly, as she always has, and hugged Gaius before they sat near a pile of books that Gaius had recently found. Most of them were focused on untold stories about seers of the old religion. Morgana sent me an inquiring gaze, but I had left to my room before she could utter her thoughts or questions. I was being too obvious with my hardships and inner debates, I'd have to be more careful.

I took off my neckerchief, boots and socks before changing into my pajama pants. Tonight, I felt a bit distraught and the slightest bit perturbed. Maybe it's because Gaius knows me like no one else does... but, maybe I am becoming obvious and having slip ups without realizing. Either way, I need to be more discreet. Easier said then done. I've been so frustrated lately that it makes it hard to hide. I am frustrated because Arthur has been working me to my breaking point, and is also obliviously making me want him. I love him, but I hate him. He can be so caring and sweet and genuine one second and the next he's a complete arse! I wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he's also making me sexually frustrated- I clothe him on infrequent days and prepare his bath and I can proudly say that I've seen Arthur naked on occasion. The feeling of his skin on mine when the back of my fingers brush his stomach when I dress him stirs these almost undecipherable- but evidently amatory- feelings inside of me that I simply cannot control, no matter how hard I try.

I stayed in a sleeping position for a few hours, just thinking of Arthur and the emotions I needed to compromise with... His golden hair and the way it shines like platinum on a sunny day, his light blue eyes seeming parallel to the sky on its most beautiful day, his voice like  sweet honey, his plump, yet thin and chapped, inviting lips, the way he can look adorable, sexy, hot, and beautiful all at the same time, his caring side- how he would actually carry a hardship for me (or anyone in general) because he's an amazing being who believes that statuses aren't important. Arthur... breathtaking, amazing, achingly heterosexual Arthur.

I felt my heart grow heavy with melancholy caused by the thought that he would never be mine. His heart belongs to Gwen, even though she left him for Lancelot. They both had left Camelot together leaving Arthur and all thoughts of him behind. We don't know why, Arthur had always told us it was 'none of our business' or he'd simply avoid the subject. Gwen was my friend, but I had always been jealous of her and to be completely honest, I was kind of happy that she had left... I know that it is completely selfish and cruel to have thought that, but I couldn't stop feeling the things I did so strongly.

Morgana knocked lightly on my door- if I wasn't so quiet myself I would have missed it. She then opened the door slowly and peared her head in. She smiled her gorgeous smile and sat on my bed slowly.

"How are you?" She asked with a soft tone, hididng her pressing curiosity.

"I'm fine, and you?" I said trying to hide the depression resonating from my bones.

"I'm good, you didn't stick around today." Her eyebrows furrowed slightly, it was more a statement than a question.

"No, I'm sorry I felt a bit sick and decided to lay down." She looked dissapointed in my answer, as if she knew I was lying but decided not to push it, and I was thankful for that. 

She plastered a seemingly fake smile on her lips before speaking "Okay, well try and get some rest, wouldn't want to see Arthur without you, he'd be a mess!" She giggled lightly. I chuckled trying to hide the weight that the phrase had caused in my heart. She left without another word other than a low mumble of "Good night, Merlin."

It had only been a few minutes before Gaius knocked on my door.

"Merlin, I'm extremely sorry, but could you do me a favour?" I agreed, knowing a distraction couldn't do me any wrong.

"Could you please go to Sir Leon's chambers and give him this elixir, he needs to take it when he wakes up... I completely forgot." Gaius rambled on worriedly. Leon had recently been transfered to his room after having been sleeping in our chamber for a week. He had been horribly wounded during an attack.

"Of course I will, Gaius, don't worry. He'll get it before he wakes." I reassured.

I put my jacket, socks and boots on before taking the potion from his hands and making my way to said knight's chambers. A knight stood guarding the wounded knight's door. I had explained my reasoning of being and showed him the brew before he had let me through. I carefully placed it on his bedside table. I looked over at my friend to be met with a pool of drool. Ugh... and I thought the snoring was bad. I managed to get out of the room without making anything fall. 

I decided to take a detour, I wasn't especially tired and I needed time to be away from everyone. I had let my mind wander in the depth of my mind until I heard a muffled cry. I snapped back to reality only to realize I had been walking in front of the King's chambers.

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Hey guys, so this is my first Merthur, not sure if it's actually good or not (probably crappy) but don't be afraid to tell me what you think, either it's negative or positive. Sorry this chapter was short, they'll hopefully get longer over time. That is all, have a wonderful day bookworms! 

- Steff