Deep thoughts

When I close my eyes

Every time I close my eye I am forced to see an never ending void that will be forever be in my head and the only time I can see it is when I close my eyes. When I dream the void turns into a bliss world of only a figment of my imagination. A world that I wish I could be in. A world that there is not pain no suffering only happiness. But sometimes I'm not lucky sometimes the void turns into a horror game designed for fear, pain, agony, and torment. As punishment for what I have done wrong. The void is my sub-conscience. It knows who I am what I have done without ever seeing the light of the real world. It works against my conscience. For it doesn't want my conscience to take over the dream state and give him full access. Because if that happens I will go into a new reality, the dreamscape. I then will have full control of the void and it does not like that. Sometimes they work together giving me a state of mind called lucid dreaming. But like most times I have no control over the second wall, into the other side, to a reality that is full of endless possibilities. Sometimes it gets tired of coming up with dreams so it just  replays old dreams that I have grown accustom to and enjoy. Other time they are memories that will forever taunt me. It fills the void up with my wrong doing from the past. It is a black licorice tar that will always cover my soul. Will always keep my mind in a never ending void of darkness. It will keep me sleepless some nights, others in a state of where I am no longer able to move only to be transfixed in one spot only able to feel the demons presence lurking around. Some times I can hear them other times I see them. Like a nightmare but worse stuck in a reality that is like my own, but full of the evil creatures. They live on the other side and only to have been known to be seen while in this state of mind.

This is not all sometimes I travel to a world to where all my fears are. To were people are the antagonist and I am my own worst enemy. All I see is disappointment in their eyes. But I do not realize that my eyes are failing me. Yes I can see, but my sight is altered. Altered in a way were I can only see my self as a letdown, a disappointment, everything I don't wanna be regardless if it's true or not. When I face them all at one is when my world begins to fade. A world of no light or escape only a empty shell of who I was. No longer able to feel the way I used to. No longer to have happy, blissful dreams. For I am No longer able to conceal my demons. They runs wild through me damaging everything that has so far survived bring me into a deeper darker hole then I was before. But I don't care, I lost the ability to care a long time ago. When I finally go sleep and close my eyes I don't dream, but when I do I am thrown into a reality that was created to feed and entertain my demons. When I close my eyes I run through a endless grassy field at night I try to get home but every step I take is slow and every step I take brings me further away from home. I try to escape them but I can't. Then do I realize that they are controlled by it. For they didn't pick me it did.

So when you ask what is wrong with eyes. It is not about what is wrong with it but what it can see. Cause ever time I close my eyes I am reminded of my dark inevitable future. My fate, my demons. But for now I can close my eyes and enjoy my world of bliss and happiness for that is not what will break me. It will.

Fin.