Farewell Atlantis

|three|

I woke up three weeks later.

I woke up to the annoying beep of the machines surrounding me in the white room of a hospital.

No one was beside me when I woke up, Sarah came in a day later, her eyes red and swollen.

David did not make it. The blow to his head with the pipe was too hard, his brain bled out. They had the funeral, and I wasn't there.

The night, the three guys, Tom, David, everything came back all at once. The doctors said they had to sedate me, because I was too 'emotionally unstable'. Sarah yelled at me to get it together, cried and pleaded to return back to her. But how could I after what happened?

They knew everything, Sarah tried her best not to mention it and the nurses treated me like a fragile doll made of glass.

Maybe I was. Where was my strength and courage when the guys held me by my arms, assaulted me, took the love of my life from me? Where was my conscious when they pushed themselves inside me and kept doing it until I bled?

I was a useless, worthless bitch who deserved that. I degraded myself mentally, cried every night until the day the two police officers came to my hospital room.

Sarah wanted to wait outside because she couldn't hear it. I hated it, how could they expect me to narrate every single of that horrible nightmare? It was like asking a four year old to check if there was a monster under his bed.

The police investigators, Jeremy and Robert, asked me questions, questions I had to answer to.

"Do you remember what they looked like?"

I said no.

"Any tattoo, scar, mark?"

I shook my head no.

"Miss, I know this is hard for you, but-"

I cut them off this time, "Do you really?" and they were said nothing. At least they were honest, they did not know shit. Even if I tell them, word by word of every single detail of the night, they would not understand.

No one would.

The night was clear as crystal in my head. I remembered everything, every single detail of the night which degraded me. I was scared and at the moment, dying felt like the best way to leave behind all the pain.

But of course, God had to keep me alive, to amplify the torture and curses directed at me.

I lost count of the number of times I had shed my tears. David, he was no more. I would never see his precious smile or his sparkling black eyes. His carefree nature, the way he joked around when he wasn't at work or the love we made the night before everything changed, the disaster that took my David away from. I would never see him again, only in his grave where he is buried six feet under.

I would no more feel protected in his strong arms, or lay my head on his firm chest. I would never get his lovely kisses or run my hand through his short hair.

He is a memory now. A sweet, lovely memory that I'm sure I'd take that to my grave.

Nights went sleepless when I was discharged from the hospital. I started smoking again, spent most of my day in my bed. Sarah hid all the sleep pills and any other pill because she thought I was too vulnerable now.

Maybe I was. It wasn't like I never had the urge, just a few pills and I would be free from all these pain. But then, that would be weak of me. I would be a coward to end my life and David would be so disappointed in me. I could not do that, not when I knew I had to be strong. Strong for me.

I knew I had it enough when nightmares became flashbacks, when I started seeing things, the men from the night.

That's when I knew I've had enough.

Things needed to end. Forever.