Hug // Im Jaebeom

Part 2 - Him

"Guys, I'm home."

He stood in the entryway, confused. Usually, his fur babies would come and greet him once he got home from work, asking for his love and attention. He glanced at the familiar pair of white converse on the floor and immediately registered what was going on.

He looked at the living room, empty, and made way immediately to his room. Sure enough, he was greeted with the sight of you buried under his blanket with all of his cats sleeping around you like a protective circle. He sat quietly next to you, brushing away the strands of hair that were covering your face and sighed when he saw tears pooling at the corners of your eyes. You didn't realize you were crying as you slept.

The cats were awoken by his arrival and he gently lifted them all off the bed. His babies wanted attention, but you needed his now more than anything.

He whispered your name, stroking your cheeks as gentle as he possibly could to see if he could wake you.

You tossed and turned at his touch, annoyed that someone tried to awoke you from your deep slumber. He laid himself under the blanket next to you and pulled you close to him. Your back against his chest, head tucked under his chin as he rubbed comforting circles over your clothed stomach. It's almost a routine for him now, embracing you in your sleep like this.

He whispered your name numerous times to rouse you awake, and this time he succeeded.

Turning your body to face him, your eyes opened groggily to the sight of him smiling softly.

"Hey." He said. "Are you okay?"

You didn't say anything at first, glistening eyes staring into his.

As if his warm gaze were coaxing you to speak, you shook your head and murmured. "No, I'm not."

You could feel it now. That thick veil of numbness lifting and composure finally breaking. The waves of sadness crashing violently inside you, erupting tears from your eyes. He pulled you closer, nestling you in his chest and enveloping you with his arms as you shuddered from all the memories of your mother's words, each syllable puncturing your heart like pins and needles.

"What happened?" he asked, voice tender and worried. His hands patted your back softly, urging you to slow your breath to the pace of each stroke of hands.

You took a deep breath in, trying to swallow the lump in your throat. "Mother said she's disappointed in me. She said I'm an embarrassment, I'm bringing nothing but shame to her. She said I'm no good of a daughter, and she's right, I'm no good–"

"No. Stop." He interrupted. "You're a good daughter. You've always been, otherwise, you wouldn't be wallowing over her words like this, you'd have left the house long ago."

You sobbed again at his words, and he pulled you even closer, tangling you deeper in his hold.

"Okay, I'm sorry for snapping out just now. Just cry it out, okay? Just let them all out now." he whispered against your hair and you wailed at his command.

He knew you and all your worries.

He knew that your mother saw displaying negative emotions as an act of defiance and a sign of weakness. There's no place for the defiant and the weak in her house, and you knew better than to spill tears or lash out in front of her. He knew you've been holding everything in on your own, but you're cracking and reaching the breaking point.

Your screams were muffled in his chest, but the vibrations reached deep in his heart. It pained him to see you like this, but it was better than seeing you sitting alone, with empty eyes numb and detached. He's seen that once, in the instance where you tethered the edge of sanity and was close to ending everything. He'd never want to experience that again, having blind fear pumping in his veins at the thought of losing you.

You wrapped your arms tightly around him, wanting nothing more than to melt into his touch because you can feel yourself falling apart and he's the only one holding you together now.

"You've worked so hard, I know you do. You've worked tirelessly all day and all night, even when it's hard for you to even wake up. I'm proud of you." He assured you.

He continued, warm hands tenderly stroking your back. "Today must've been so hard for you. Don't worry for now, okay? Please don't beat yourself up over this."

The cries became louder as his kind words settled in your heart. You'd like to stop drowning in tears, but they kept on falling.

He chanted words in your ears as if he's read your mind. "It's okay. I know you're not okay now, but that's okay. You're okay like this. Don't hold those tears back okay? Let it all out now. It's okay."

And so you kept on going, crying into his chest for what felt like hours. He held you close still, occasionally humming into your hair or shushing you gently to remind you to breathe.

It took you quite a while to calm down, lids heavy and sore from all the spilled tears. You looked up to see him gently smiling at you.

"Better?" he asked and you shook your head because your heart still felt heavy in your chest.

You gripped weakly on the back of his shirt, and muttered with a cracked voice, "What if I fail to finish school?"

"Don't worry about that. I know you won't fail." He promised, now stroking your head softly. "You're smart, and you work super hard, I told you. Right now you're just passing many speed bumps, but it'll be smoother from here on out, okay?"

You can feel your heart softening upon hearing his words. They don't feel like empty promises or simple reassurances to only get you to stop being sad. He trusted you, he believed in you with his whole heart and you can feel it. At the same time, you feared that one day he'll slip away, and it's eating you slowly now.

You sniffled and nestled further into his arms.

"Don't go, okay?"

"Hm? Why would you say that?" He raised an eyebrow in confusion, but you couldn't see it.

"I'm scared that you'll get tired of me whining and crying like this and you'll leave me."

"You're so silly." he teased and you whined in response.

Kissing the top of your hair, he whispered. "I'm here. I'm here then, and I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'll be here for you. Always."

Now you wanted to cry for a different reason altogether.

You wanted to cry because he's right, he has been there from the start. He has been with you before and during these rough two years, and you trusted him to be with you even long after this. You shouldn't fear anything. You have him.

"I'm gonna cry again now." You said and he chuckled.

"No, I can't allow that." He said as he hoisted you up to sit on his lap.

He cradled your face with his hands, thumb gently wiping away the tears that lingered still on your lashes.

"For now, let's stop the crying, okay" He ran his fingers through your unruly hair to see your face better, gently detangling the knots with his fingertips. Once done, he reached your hands to intertwine them with his.

"My precious girl." he leaned his forehead to yours and whispered. "Don't worry okay, you'll get through this."

You nodded softly, and you can see his lips tugging upwards into a wide smile.

"I love you." He said with no hesitance, and your heart swelled with warmth. "You were there for me through my ups and downs. Know that I'm here for you too, I'll be here and I'll hug you through all the tears."

"Always?" you asked.

"Always." and he pulled you in for another hug.

You resigned at the touch. Resting your head on his shoulder, you breathe out all your worry and breathe him in.

A hug from him was all you need to feel at home.

It's okay. It's going to be okay. We'll be okay.

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