chapter 17

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Dedicated to:ReshmaShibu

In the garden I walked through the lilies to the peonies. Their smell overwhelms me in a way that makes my heart ache but on the other hand relaxes my body easily. Susannah. What would she do in this situation? She was always so sweet and friendly.

In that sweetness lay her capability to ease things,to soften them. I knew if she would be here she would resolve this conflict between her sons and lift the weight of argument from everyone's shoulder. She would cry later. Cry over her sons fighting,hating each other so badly and bickering over their rights.

But she would never hate the person who caused all of this, the person who is inevitably the reason for this fight. She would hug them close to her,soothe them with her soft words and lift their pressure of guilt as well. She was so strong. Soft but strong. I wish Susannah would be here. She'd hug me to her chest, rub her hand across my back and place a soft kiss on my forehead.

I need to think. I need to think what Susannah would do in this situation. How do I calm her sons? Everyone thinks I know them better than anyone ever did but that's not true. Susannah did. She knew them. Not Con maybe but she always knew when something was wrong with him. But she knew how to take care of them. I only wish if knew that.

She always said,"You have something that so many girls wish upon. It's just a matter of time you figure out what." I never understood what she meant. Some powers I guess that I posses and girls deeply need? What could that possibly be?

I had stopped thinking about these words for years now. They always seemed so silly. But I need them now. I really really need them. Whatever it is I need them. Not for myself but for others. For Con and Jere. I need them to stop, I need them to stick together. I can't let them fall apart. They are the only family left for each other.

Their dad doesn't really count for them. I need something,something that will help me make an understanding between them. I'm mad at them but I care about them more than my anger could ever take toll on me.

These thoughts....they exhaust me. My head hurts and my bloodshot eyes burn. I'm so tired I don't know when I drift off to sleep,sitting on the bench of the garden.......

Conrad

"Look what you did!",I scream at Jere but my voice cracks in my throat. I suck my cheeks to stop myself from crying. I can't even follow her,I have to truce it with Jere, anyhow.

"What did I do? You were the one who said you owned her!",Jere yells but I know he feels bad. Belly was the only one, the only string that tied us together. I don't know if I would even bare Jere being in the same room with me after all that had happened but Belly made sure I was okay with it. I don't want her to be mad at me. She's the only one whom my mind and heart listen to. I can't function without her. She won't leave me but I need to make sure she's okay.

"Steve go with her,please",I said to Steven with hopeful eyes.

"And leave you two alone to kill each other?",Steven said with a raised eyebrow.

"I need to know she's good" I said.

"You know she is. She's a strong girl. I'm pretty sure she's fine, she gets over everything alone. Leave her be. And if I leave you two right now I'm pretty sure she'll kill me if she found out",Steven said.

"Yeah, you'll be dead by tomorrow",I said smiling at the little image of Belly pushing Steven when she found out and screaming at him and forgetting that she was in pain a minute ago.

"Just leave me alone",Jere grunted, walking towards the door.

"I need to know where you're going",I said coolly but a bit of hatred towards my brother evident in my voice.

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