♡August Alsina Imagines♥

The Heart Wants What It Wants *Shakeria*

"So tell me why your here." the older blonde said, her reading glasses resting on the tip of her nose, and her hands preoccupied with her waiting pen and notepad.

"It's weird that I'm even here, I'm perfectly sane, he just...makes me crazy." I spoke, feeling my heart pitter-patter at the mere thought of him.

She sat in thought for awhile, quickly jotting down a few notes, before she spoke again. "Tell me about what happened at the concert, what set you off that night." she spoke cooly.

"I'm sure you already know what happened, it was all over the blogs, and very other social media outlet.." I rolled my eyes at the question, it was inevitable. I knew I'd be asked about the incident, I just didn't think it'd be so soon into the conversation.

"But I want your side, what was going through your mind in that moment?" she said

You got me sippin' on something I can't compare to nothing. I've ever known, I'm hoping that after this fever I'll survive. I know I'm acting a bit crazy, strung out, a little bit hazy. Hand over heart, I'm praying that I'm gonna make it out alive.

"It was a lot that built to that moment, I--August and I have been in a relationship for over a year, somehow we've managed to keep it a secret up until that night I suppose..." I trailed off gauging her reaction, she remained quiet, her face still as she waited for me to continue. "For the benefit of both of our careers, we decided it'd be best that we kept our relationship private until the time was right.. The time was gonna come sooner than later when I found out I was pregnant a month ago. We'd been on our join tour about three months then. We had almost four more months of dates left, I thought when I told him, he'd flip out but he was actually excited, he was genuinely happy he was going to be a father.

I stopped a second, the memories flooding back to me. I felt the tears forming as I spoke. I continued touring, we still kept the whole thing to ourselves, the timing was wrong I guess... a few weeks later..I was asleep on the bus when I started to get really bad abdominial pains, I had to be taken to the hospital, because they'd become so violent, I was in so much pain." I sniffed, closing my eyes, remembering every detail of that night so vividly. I've tried so hard to forget the night that's been haunting me for three months.

"Long story short..I had a misscarriage." I said my hands slapping my thighs. "It was earth-shattering and heartbreaking." I said feeling tears beginning to fall. "August was so dissappointed, I felt so guilty, he'd --we'd really wanted this, and I was working so much, so hard. They told me to slow down, but I didn't listen, I was so selfish." I cried, wiping my tears with my sleeve.

"I'm sorry for your loss," she said sincerely, "This is just a seed in your journey, tell me what happened, Shakeria, what pushed you to this point?" she said her hand resting ontop of her notepad.

"I started to..spirial into this deep, very deep depression. On stage, I would thrive and no one could tell anything was wrong, but the moment I stepped off, I would unravel. August tried his best to keep me together but there was only so much he could do, and my guilt took over me, I began to push him away fearing I'd disappoint him again." I said lightly shrugging my shoulders.

"So..he began to cheat?" she said her eyes trained to her notepad her hand moving quickly against it.

I nodded, feeling fresh tears form."And I began to pretend like I didn't know, and with that, to help me forget I began drinking..heavily. For two and a half months I was getting black out drunk everyday."

"Were you drunk that night?" she asked.

"Yes.. That night was especially tough for me, I would have been three months, I had stated drinking at noon that day, and by the time it was time for the show I was completely hammered. "