If Only

"Sierra, Sierra come honey boo have your food soon, Mom needs to go it's already late." With the sound of her name, she came running towards the bowl. Her brown with a luscious
color of a golden-haired tail wagging in the air, and started eating up. She even licked the water from the bowl beside.

Kristen took her for a last-minute stroll in the backyard for Sierra to relive herself, as soon as she came in the house, she washed her hands and checked herself in the mirror, she was looking extra cute today, her eyes were shining, her makeup was perfect, she had even worn her new Vera wang dress and thank god for good hair day curls they were perfect, she blew a kiss to herself in the mirror and went to grab her bag from the counter and her car keys and left for work. Her entire day was busy, she had meetings back to back, she was happy though, everything was going exactly the way she wanted and she wanted to make sure all the work was done on time. She even went out for team lunch and gave them a treat. Emma her coworker had even asked her if it was anything special that day but she answered that she was in a very good mood.

She decided to pick up dinner from her favorite Thai restaurant and not cook that night, she had so longed to eat the yummy Chicken Panang Curry with fried rice and Mango with sticky rice for dessert, she even decided to order a box of boiled chicken for Sierra. Sierra was crazy about chicken like any other dog. After she picked up the food and went directly home.

Soon as she was about to enter she heard her Neighbor Mrs. Watkins call her name. Mrs. Watkins was a widow and was living alone in her apartment, she was a very sweet old lady, she had adored Mrs. Watkins and so did Mrs. Watkins she had always been fond of her. They used to help each other all time. Kristen always thought Mrs.Watkins had understood her. Even after such a huge age gap, Kristen being in her late 20's and Mrs. Watkins in her early 60's had a strong bond. Tonight Mrs. Watkins wanted to check if Kristen wanted to go for a walk after dinner, Kristen happily agreed as she had to take Sierra for a walk too.

After dinner, They both went for a nightly stroll, Mrs. Watkins inquired about her day, Kristen told her about the day and much more about her friends and family. Kristen was being very talkative today Mrs. Watkins noticed and was happy to see her happy. So she decided to ask her directly if she was planning to start dating soon but Kristen avoided the topic and started inquiring about Mrs. Watkins's kids. Mrs. Watkins knew better so didn't push the subject.

After they both bid goodbye to each other , Kristen returned home but couldn't go to sleep, she started thinking about how Mrs. Watkins has brought up the topic of her dating again, she was getting restless, she didn't understand why a single woman can't stay single in the society, she was already getting the lecture from her parents and but they didn't know anything, they didn't know her lifestyle. Only her sister Audrey and Mrs. Watkins knew and understood her, but she used to get irritated when she brought up the topic of Kristen dating.

The next day Kristen woke up, she didn't feel good, she couldn't even get herself to go and give food to Sierra, she just wanted to sleep and not do anything at all. She started feeling really lonely, she just couldn't understand anything. Sierra knew something was wrong with Kristen and went on the bed to snuggle beside her. Kristen saw her and hugged her tight. She decided to call in sick and work and sleep it off. She went over to Mrs. Watkins and dropped Sierra. Mrs. Watkins had always dog sited for Kristen so she didn't ask any question.

Kristen went back home and tried to sleep but her thoughts wouldn't let her sleep, she didn't feel like eating anything, she just felt hopeless, her thoughts clouded her she was such a failure, she didn't want to date anyone, her life was not as perfect as it seemed to others and it was so easy for others to judge her, even Emma had taken her goodwill for some reason can't she be happy without reason and treat her friends and colleagues. Her parents also thought her as a loser, even if she was not a lawyer like Audrey she was good at her job. She felt so sad and couldn't think anything good. Initially, she felt so powerless and it made her cry but then she was filled with anger but she couldn't do anything other than cry. She even felt like killing her self.

She saw a few miscalls from Emma but decided not to pick up. She was still not ready to talk to anyone, she just wanted to shut off the world for one single day. She wanted everyone to just leave her alone. After she woke up and realized she had slept, she didn't know how long she had slept, she again grabbed her phone and saw 1 more miss-call from Emma and 2 missed calls from Mrs. Watkins and 2 voicemails. She clicked on the 1st one and put it on speakerphone she heard Mrs. Watkins say " Hey Kristen, hope your back home, I wanted to check if I could drop Sierra back or you will be late. Call me back and let me know." She then clicked on the 2nd one " I saw your car, I even knocked on your door. But you didn't open or pick up the call, I thought you must have been exhausted and must have fallen asleep so I will keep Sierra with me tonight. Don't worry Sierra is doing good. I will drop her tomorrow. Call me when you get a chance."

Kristen was glad Sierra had stayed the night with Mrs. Watkins. She still didn't feel good so she decided to call in sick again and inform Mrs. Watkins to have Sierra stay with her for another day or so, till she feels better.

Today was the same, she still didn't feel like eating or anything. She hadn't even had a bath in 2 days. She went to the bathroom and saw herself, she looked like a mess she had not changed her clothes from even the other night, her hair was a mess, she looked awful but she didn't care. In an instance she got so mad she took the soap dispenser and hit it on the mirror and started crying.

She went on to her bed crying hysterically and couldn't stop soon she was fallen asleep and when she woke up it was the next day and now she was feeling much better, she couldn't believe she spent two days in bed.

She started getting ready cleaned up her house, made yummy morning breakfast. She had a nice steaming hot shower. She did her makeup, wore another new dress that she had gotten on her birthday. She wore nice pearl earrings and a nice pearl bracelet. She boxed some of the breakfast she had made and took it over to Mrs. Watkins as a thank you for taking care of Sierra those days.

After picking up Sierra, they both went on a quick walk after coming back she went to the bathroom to wash her hands and admired the way she looked. While leaving the bathroom she blew herself a kiss in the mirror and left for work.

As soon as she started driving she thought to herself IF ONLY I COULD'VE BEEN SOMEBODY WHO DIDN'T SUFFER FROM BIPOLAR DISORDER I would have allowed myself to fall in love.

THE END