Blazing Inferno

1. The one who makes the rules.

I feel worms crawling on my skin,
Leaving their disgusting trails behind,
And my nails scrape against it,
Drawing blood on the wretched skin.
Every time I look at myself,
All I see is the girl who failed.

Suzanne Hill reread my words over her half-moon spectacles which reminded me of Dumbledore. Her fingers tensed on the paper before she glanced up at me.

I could already see the pity form in those warm brown eyes. She wasn't any different. I knew even before she spoke that she wouldn't be able to help. My fingers drummed on the armrest as I heaved a sigh.

"I know you hear this a lot," she started kindly. "But do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head, holding in the roll of my eyes.

"Okay," she said, surprisingly not pressing me. "What do you like to do in your free time?"

I paused and then motioned for a pen and paper. She handed them over and I scribbled out a word.

Sleep.

She chuckled softly. "Don't we all? Well, what else do you like to do?"

Read.

"Do you like to write?" she asked. I already knew where this was going.

No.

"No diaries then? Or journals?"

I shook my head.

She pursed her lips in thought. "Do you want to get better?"

I frowned at her.

What kind of a question is that?

"Writing out your feelings might help," she offered, before hurriedly glancing down at the paper and saying, "Not about your past. Just...write. Without adding anything negative about yourself. You could write anything at all. Maybe about the happenings of the day or a particular story book you liked. Anything."

I nodded slowly. I could do that.

"But one thing I want you to keep consistent is positivity. Whatever you write, change the words around to make it sound positive. For example, you say that you feel disgusted whenever you look at yourself in the mirror."

I nodded again, waiting for her to continue.

"Which part of you do you find disgusting?"

I wrinkled my brows.

Everything?

"That's not true. That's what you think. But think harder. If a stranger was looking at you, what would he find alluring? Is everything about your physical features disgusting?"

I drew in a sharp breath, allowing myself to imagine looking at myself from another person's eye.

My eyes, I quickly scribbled down.

"There you go! Next time you look at the mirror, focus on your eyes. That way, you can wash out the negativity slowly."

I nodded, grabbing my bag.