Ingenue || Bungou Stray Dogs × Fem!Reader

5

A permanent solution to a temporary problem.

What was the significance of papier-mâché lungs, when she reckoned their limits were not par with the pulsating of each heartbeat? The diamond organ grew tired of glowing in best attempts to impress all those who had encountered her crestfallen marionette; it was the only thing so fascinating about her, and they had failed to take notice.

She had lost the sense of primordial change in the bliss of believing there was.

And so, with the existing effort of lifting her body so lethargically to cross the trivial border, she took in the sight of the scarlet sky on the river's reflection. In the ambience of her own impregnated silence, she questioned why the world seem to turn against her desires with luculent resentment - desires that even did no harm to those she knew.

If the agency could not comprehend the ways of disarming the bomb that they had claimed would blow up any time, then the river would be the best option of halting the process.

No, don't, because of the camellias back at her apartment: they were waiting for her. They were waiting for the morning shower she had gotten used to giving them, and they were not expecting the sudden stop. The petals have yet to flourish.

But yes, please do, because she had been so, so tired of carrying the burden she told herself to endure the time she deviated the mafia.

Agile fingers threatened to let loose.

Instead, crystalline tears did from the rim of her eyes. They narrowed in a painful abhorrence forwarded to both the universe and herself. She slid down the metal rail of the bridge, with her hands still precariously attached to the balusters.

In the warmth of the café, the smell of good coffee, the radiance of Lucy's colors - she wished she had a little more time to bask. But she knew that if she had done so, then she would quit with the consideration of ending the tragedy she called her life.

She needed not another reason to keep herself alive.

I'm so tired.

She permitted the weight of her diamond heart to bring her down, and so she fell with the best wishes for the surface of the water to break her heart as the agency did to her crestfallen marionette.

▪︎

Alas, a diamond was not to be compared with a glass' fragility.

And with each pulsating heartbeat monitored by the machine beside her, her ears bled in irritation as the sound was but a mere reminder of her undesirable existence. Her eyes display of languor stared banally at the ceiling of what she had assumed to be an infirmary, and her fingers made torpid attempts to move in order to abandon the perturbing numbness.

"Oh, you're awake." Called a voice from the side of her right. "Welcome back."

She soon discerned the voice to come from none other than the agency's doctor: Yosano Akiko. The girl turned to her direction and offered her a look of confusion and slight dismay.

"What... what happened?"

"Your decision of drowning did." Replied the doctor, who stood up from leaning on to her bed. "It was Dazai who found and took you here. You should thank him later on."

Elusively, she halted an intake of her breath.

"Though he probably did it because he had the opportunity to." Yosano continued. "Otherwise, I don't think I'd be obligated to aid you right now."

There came the cynical tone in her voice that the girl dreaded to hear, because every time she did, she would only succumb into the guilt she had familiarized with.

"I... I'm sorry."

"For what?"

Exhausted eyes returned to the pale ceiling. As Yosano waited for a reason, she came to wonder why she had seeked relief in the beauteous conception of suicide. Her body ached, being the result of thoughts she wished would perish at the instant she wanted them to, and hopes going against hope for the agency to realize how desperate she was to let go of whom she was back then.

"It must be very difficult to get along with a colleague like me, right?" A light, bitter laugh escaped her mouth, and for a moment Yosano feared the skin of her cheeks might produce unbecoming cracks from her smile.

"I'm glad you were actually aware of that." The quality of Yosano's voice came out to be quite sardonic - something the girl did not appreciate. "The last thing we want is your triviality. So try not to add on the burden of already having you with us, alright?"

And so she was once again reminded of her insignificance to the agency.