Kurt Cobain's words, not mine

Chapter one: You are a pretty decent douche bag

Chapter one: "You are a pretty decent douche bag"

This story was started on a Thursday, 2, July 2020   

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THERE IS A FINE LINE between reality and philosophy. I quite enjoy philosophy more. At times I  find myself disappear into a clear day and dig deep into my mesmerizing thoughts. 

Even though sometimes they can become too deep. Philosophy is often the side of me that controls me, it has always taken a big part of my brain, just to fit in. 

I want to take a break, from all the thinking, but clearly, it never works because there will always be that one question wandering through my mind at times. "Does anything matter anymore". That's the question that haunts me every day, which means that I think about it without even trying.  

That's when that wonderful fine line disappears, in my head. 

In the end, I just get out of my small room and into a marvellous park that seems to have no end. My hand then wanders down to my pack of cigarettes and takes a cigar,  smoking it. 

My smoking habit helps me get rid of the anxiety, that bottles up inside of me because of my very much adult thoughts.

The so-called thoughts that my mother despises. 

 If I don't have a cigar handy then it results in me being on a track and running. 

As I am doing right now.

Ever since I could walk I was running. Running away from all my haunting problems. 

The problems I had seemed to never end likewise with the never-ending running tracks. Which gave me some sort of balance. I run until it hurts so much that I can't breathe. Till it feels like I need to vomit. That's when I know that I have done a good job. The pain then turns into something I can be proud of.

On this specific day I have to get ready and warm-up for the running match against our rival school, which will take place in a few months. I had to be the best or the fastest runner otherwise I will just be another boring person on a college application.

I might not be a senior yet but next year I will be and for that particular reason, I have to be prepared for anything in my way. 

I've been running for the past 20 minutes so I decided to take a break and run out of the big field to a nearby bench. I feel my lungs clench together, making it hard to breathe. I lay down on the bench and look up at the sky.

For me, the sky is gorgeous and wonderful. The blue sky stares directly at me back. I could watch it for hours and not get bored. That's when all the other wild beast come flooding out onto the tracks.

I keep on forgetting that I am not the only one whos on the track team. 

Just the thought of working out with the rest of my team makes my gut do a backflip. That's why I always come earlier. So I don#t have to bear look at their perfect little selves, judging me. The only con with working out earlier is that the soccer team can see me but they barely notice me anyway so I don't care.

The soccer field is beside the running track. We don't have any boys on our team the boys at our school want to do more than just run so everyone always tries out for the soccer team. Which makes our school one of the best soccer teams in our area, because everyone really goes hard on the training. The bad thing with the soccer team is that almost everyone is a douche. Almost everyone.

I take a few more seconds before I jog into the locker room to get changed. I have the whole locker room for myself so I walk to my locker and take a shower before changing into my normal clothes. The hot steamy shower makes me feel relaxed, which makes my tense back more relaxed. After showering I put on my basic black jeans and t-shirt. My wet feet make it hard for me to put on my tight socks. I put my soft, brown hair into a low ponytail and after that, I take my green, blue flannel jacket.