why don't we | sickfics

corbyn - suicide attempt

REQUESTED BY
n/a

SHIP
ot5, aka all the boys are together don't be mean or i'll send a bug after you >:(

EXTRA
 TW // suicide mention, suicide attempt, depression, panic attack

play 'listen before i go - billie eilish (slow and reverbed if you can aka ^)'

when i say, this i mean it. do. not. read. this. if. it. is. going. to. trigger. you. we want you here, we want you safe. do not read this if it is going to trigger you please.

loosely based off the movie; 'cyberbully' scene 

_

Corbyn blinked back the tears blurring his vision. He wanted to stop scrolling through all the words of hate and the encouragements of his removal in the band and in life. With a sad smile, he wiped away the remaining tears blurring his vision. If people were constantly telling him to kill himself, he should... right? He should just listen. They wouldn't all be saying it if it weren't true.

Corbyn nodded in agreement with his thoughts, he pulled out 4 sheets of paper and a pencil, preparing to write notes for the best things in life that ever happened to him; his boyfriends. 

He didn't want to hurt them, but being alive was draining for him. Getting up every morning was hard. Looking in the mirror and not seeing yourself, but seeing an empty hollowed out version of you, was hard. Breathing was hard. Being alive was hard. Therapy wasn't working. Medications weren't working. Nothing was working. Obviously this was a sign that his time here, has run out.

°

Dear Jonah.

Hey. Hey sounds so stupid for the moment, but so am I. I'm stupid for thinking I could ever do this. Live. Be happy. Breathe without feeling the overwhelming impending feeling of despair on my shoulders. But jo, you made me smile. You made me laugh. You made me feel warm, and protected, and cared for every time you wrapped your arms around me. Every time you kissed my head. Every time you'd rub my back when I cried into your chest. You always made me forget. But you're not there all the time. It's not fair to you. I love you and I always have and always will love you for the rest of eternity. I hope you'll continue loving me too. But love me in your heart, where I'll stay forever. Please know that it's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. It's me. My dumb brain, my dumb mind. I'm sorry. I love you. But I can't.

Love, bean.

°

Dear Daniel.

Um hi? I could never die in peace knowing I left you guys with the millions of questions you'd have. So... I can't do it anymore. I can't breathe anymore. I can't be here and pretend I'm happy, and pretend that I think everything is going to be okay when I know it won't. I just wanted to say it isn't your fault, if you think that I'll haunt you from the grave, okay? Please please please don't blame yourself. You made me so happy, I promise. You'd always give the best behind the back hugs, I'd always melt into your hugs. You gave the best advice. You always cuddled into me close at night and made me feel safe and give me hope that when I'd wake up in the morning it wouldn't be so hard. But it always was, it was so hard Dani. Please don't hate me for doing this. I'm sorry. I love you. I always will and I'll never stop. Please don't spend the rest of your life crying over me. Go, be happy. Live life with your bright smile that compliments those ocean eyes I fall for every time I see them. I love you Dani. But my mask is breaking, I can't.