NJ : Why are you leaving?
Seol Ah froze in her way and turned to him, as she attempted to reason herself out.
SEOL AH : I guessed you'd need some time alone.
NJ : (-looks up at her-) But, I never said so.
She experienced a light shiver, as if a sharp blow of air slapped her suddenly. Quiet gulps waved down her throat, looking into his wistful sad eyes.
NJ : Why does everyone leave, when I seem upset or down? I never say things like, "Leave me alone" or "I need space". (-voice cracks-) O-or do I give off a repellent aura?
An instant guilt for everytime he was left alone weighed on her, realizing what lied under his quiet yearns.
His screams reached Seol Ah now that she was a part of his leaden world.
The bare innocence and vulnerability, that bricked his insides was flashed open to her.
SEOL AH : Will my staying here bring any ease to you?
NJ : (-still looking at her-) I don't know. Never knew before. You will have to stay, so I can learn if it does any good.
Another silent gulp followed and she decided to stay, retreating towards her earlier seat on the couch.
With a two arm's distance, she settled without words. Consequently, Namjoon's eyes dropped at the corner of the table‐the random space his view was thrown at.
Both were quiet.
Seol Ah attempted to fill the silence. It was a random act. Nothing planned. Only a pure urge, that pulled itself out to the one she felt harmless to share with.
Getting his mind off to a different direction, was a possible solution to her in that hour of hopelessness.
SEOL AH : I used to be bullied.
Namjoon whipped at her in fluster at her sudden remark, with a tint of sympathy gleaming in his eyes.
SEOL AH : ...in school. For my skin. For my ethnicity. Although, I had Netherlands citizenship, I was still an outsider to them.
Namjoon's eyes slowly went back to the table as he quietly wished to listen to her more.
He strangely wanted to be the obedient ear to her, that he wished he had. A healthy psyche always tends to be easy and lenient towards others, in matters that it had a bitter unfulfilled grant for. They are naturally inclined to empathize.
SEOL AH : I wanted to opt to what usually the accused do. End their sufferings, by ending their lives. (-dry chuckles-) But, maybe I was too scared to do something like that.
His focus were now at his hands‐ thumb of one, caressing the dorsal side of the other. It was an unconscious repeating pattern to stay concentrated.
SEOL AH : "What wrong have I done to die so young? Death is a sentence of punishment by law. Why should I be punished?"— were a few questions that sure kept me from suicide. But, they shadowed me forever. I started hiding. Hiding my skin. Hiding my identity. Hiding myself from everyone.
The constant rub, making the area almost red with increased blood circulation, he stopped. Namjoon was rewound back to the day. The day, when he delivered the speech in the United Nations as a representative of his group, his country.
"Speak yourself," was the message he wished to convey through his words then.
He wanted to do the same to her, tell her to speak herself, no matter how that makes her stand among a certain group of people.
Nothing mattered, until she was confident and proud of who she was and who she aspired to be.
YOU ARE READING
My Reflection || KNJ ✔
Fanfiction"See those handcuffs there? Bring it here and tie me." • • • RM...He was known for his great leadership in BTS for how smoothly he ran and was the backbone of his group. However, disbandment brought some changes in him and ARMYs felt him being dist...
