farther than the universe |hs

Saving Grace

Emilia

Present day

Emilia never prayed a single prayer in her life nor did she ever entertain the idea of a "higher being" watching over her and pulling all the strings behind the curtain. Because up until recently, life had always been substantially kind to her.

And she believed that it liked her more than anyone else.

Growing up, she had lived in a home, under a roof that never caved into the weight of a storm. She had slept in a room she didn't have to share with anyone else except for the crickets who sang her to sleep.

She had a dad who smiled with his eyes and whistled while he worked. She has a mom who has hair holds the sunlight captive; and a heart that beats for anyone else but her own. Two beautiful souls who reminded her at every waking moment that she is loved and will always be loved. So when the time came for it, she'd be able to love in return.

Needless to say, life never brought her to her knees. At least not long enough to leave bruises. It always handed her its best cards, but would throw in a wild one every now and then to humble her.

Again, that was up until recent events.

With her hands tightly clasped together, Emilia sinks to the floor. Her nails carve mini crescent moons deep into her skin as she chews on her bottom lip, Emilia tries to muster the right words to say to whoever in the universe that's bothered enough to listen to her.

Despite the moment Emilia shared with her mom, it didn't cancel out the bad days that still awaits her. Bad days that did indeed keep her on her knees and leave bruises that would most definitely last for weeks.

During the fifth day of mourning, Emilia had received a call telling her she had just been let go from work. They sing her songs of sorrow and heartily apologize for the wrong timing. They told her it was because of the company's inability to continue paying her due to budget cuts, but she knew that it was their nicest way to tell her that out of all the names on the list of "most important employees", Emilia's was the least.

And because the women in Emilia's family tend to be proud, she spares her mom the news and keeps her breaths to herself, knowing it wouldn't be any helpful if she told her nor would there be any use to reach out to a husband she's better off divorced to.

But that alone is a separate and different kind of pain Emilia rather not unravel.

Well, at least not today.

"I—Well, I've never really done this before." Her eyes slowly train up the floral wallpaper of her bedroom as she ponders, licking her lips in succession as she wonders if there's any point to what she's doing. If there's anyone that's listening at all, but she can't deny the sense of ease in her chest. So, to lessen the feeling that she's a complete idiot, an idea comes to mind and instead she pretends like she's talking to her dad.

"A lot's happened since you...left..." She swallows thickly and makes a conscious move to ignore the reality of where her dad really is, and the fact that he'll never be able to come home; and she'll never get to be enveloped in his love when she needs it most.

Drawing a deep breath, she starts again. "You always praised mom for being so strong, but honestly, I don't think she's strong enough to continue without you... She'll start the morning off hopeful, looking forward to the rest of the day with all these goals and plans in mind; but then halfway through, she'll run out of things to keep her numb and she'll snowball into the truth that you're no longer here. And she'll let the rest of the day blend into one endless, depressing loop."