Michael Gray: Better Man

The Talk

Michael wanted to sprint to her office but he tried not to, making sure to actually think on what he'd say. But the moment he tried to twist the knob on her office door, it didn't budge. It was locked.

He pressed his ear to the door, listening to check if she's in there. Nothing. She might have gone home early.

Taking a deep breath, he started rushing back to their apartment.

Opening the front door, he just caught up as she just got up from the couch, to probably head upstairs.

Both of them stared at each other, Olivia surprised at how he just barged in so aggressively, and Michael still gripping the doorknob and breathing heavily.

"You and I both know we have a lot to talk about." He told her with certainty lacing his voice, now closing the door behind him.

Olivia was frozen in her spot for a moment, just processing what he's said.

Finally gaining her composure, she cleared ger throat "We have nothing to discuss, Michael." her heart was racing. She wanted to get out or lock herself in her room.

"Olivia." he approached her as she was going to head up the stairs.

"Nothing" and she almost yelped when he actually cut her a step up the stairs. Now he was facing her again, holding the railing to prevent her from going further.

"Olivia come on, be honest with me." He pleaded.

"Again, nothing to talk about." She couldn't look him in the eye.

"Olivia"

"Nothing" she was now heading back down again with him still following her.

"Olivia, please"

She was getting pissed.

"Drop it, Michael."

"Olivia."

"Drop. It."

"Let's just talk about us, please." He pleaded. "Livy, I'm sorry."

She was frozen in place.

Such simple words alone, yet when put together, could be responsible for a whirlwind of emotions. Finally facing him again, she asked

"Tell me why I would listen to you now when all those times I was trying to do the same, you ignored me?" Snapping at him.

He wasn't able to answer, but his eyes showing something everybody thought would never be shown in them ever again: remorse.

"Because you were never an asshole like me." He finally responded, his voice shaking.

She couldn't bring herself to neither leave now. He was being vulnerable to her again. Something she thought he'd never show anybody again.

"The day you left, my mum actually got home early, and caught me on the process of firing the maid. When she knew what happened, that was the first time she looked at me like I wasn't her son. She screamed, cried and chucked things at me." He tried to chuckle, but the crying was evident in his voice. Olivia herself was biting her own lip trying not to give in, now refusing to tool at him again. But this didn't matter to Michael, as long as she was still listening.

" It didn't bother me that much at first. Not until I actually started thinking... if my own mother would be hurt so bad like this, I couldn't imagine how worse it could've been for you. And the fact that you didn't bother waking me, screaming, or merely throwing something out of rage at me was the slap in the face that finally woke me up. I'm sorry, liv. I'm so sorry."

The tears she was trying to hold started flowing. She never thought the day would say sorry for everything he's done would actually come.

"What do you want me to say, Michael?" Hugging her small frame; something she's grown accustomed to giving herself.

"Everything you never got to. Please." He pleaded with tears still flowing on his cheeks. "I don't care if they'd be hard for me to take in. I deserve all of it."

She nodded at him. "I-I've never grown to hate you, Michael. But I was hating myself for letting you treat me that way - like I would always just be there tailing you around like a pup. I hated myself for not walking away sooner. I should've done it the first time you looked at me like I was the last thing on earth you could be bothered with."

"The first time I set foot alone in America - that was when I realized that I was truly alone. Everybody I loved was one way or another associated with you. I'm not going to lie, a part of me was hoping you'd go after me and try to fix everything between us." she tried smiling at him through the tears.

Michael took a few cautious steps closer to her. One more step and he would've been close enough to touch her, but she put a hand on his chest to stop him from doing so.

"I always knew you were bound to get big in the head. You were deprived of that power the moment you were taken away from your mother... I- I just didn't expect that I'd actually be the first one taking a blow from that." The hand on his chest wasn't placed there for the sole purpose of preventing him from getting close, but rather to steady herself.

"I just thought you'd actually love me enough that when you'd see or go home to me, you'd be reminded that you're merely human- capable of love. That wasn't asking for too much, right? "She smiled sadly, looking down.

"But most of all, I hate that up to this day my mind incorporates you with everything. I'd fucking ace on working with myself but then I'd go on a damn date and I'd still end up wishing it was with you."

She couldn't hold back the sobs threatening to escape her lips. And for the first time in a long while, she let it be. She needed this.

Michael himself couldn't say anything. Not that he had nothing to. It was simply that he could not. All he could do was hold the hand she still had placed on his chest.

"But then I found out about you cheating. I didn't know that there was even anything left of me to destroy. What a fucking discovery." She chuckled, shaking her head. "Then I knew I finally was, when what was left of me was the wish to disappear." the last part of her sentence almost came out as a whisper, but the deafening silence surrounding them both made it audible.

Both of them were quiet for a moment. Olivia just letting the pent up emotions flow, and Michael, till clutching her hand was trying to steady his breathing. The last time he cried, he was alone in the room they used to share, after almost getting into a fight with Finn when he refused to tell him where she'd gone to. It was thankfully controlled by Thomas and Arthur.  And now he was crying again; this time with her infront of him.

"I am so sorry for making you suffer like that. I would never be able to forgive myself for doing what I've done to you." He finally responded, finally getting his breathing to steady down.

"Thank you, Michael. You don't know how long I've wanted to hear that. Truly." She was smiling up at him, cheeks still flushed and stained with tears.

"I'm not asking you to forgive me now, Livy. But I want you to allow me to earn it." He asked her, wiping the tears on her face with his thumb and caressing it.

She only nodded at him, not quite trusting her voice at the moment.

And with that, she finally let him pull her close to his chest, resting his chin above her head while she took in the scent of him - something she's undeniably missed for so long.

They have no idea how long they stayed that way.

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