Even Stars Can Die

Resurfacing Feelings

"Or do I still call you Kylo because how the hell am I supposed to know who you really are?"

Ben stood silently in front of her with his arms crossed, a pained expression etched onto his face. Ever since he left the First Order, Ben had tried his best to push aside anything that would remind him of his past life, of the countless mistakes he had made.

But thoughts of Tenaega would always break through.

He couldn't bring himself to let her go, to simply just move on and forget her. When he found her, Tenaega was just another lost soul, fighting to survive, having no place to call home.   And that's what drew him to her. He saw so much of himself in her eyes, those piercing, honey brown eyes that would look at him in awe.

Tenaega fought by his side with no second thoughts, only choosing to question his methods and teachings every now and then. But he didn't mind her attitude: her snarky comments and intelligent wit were all just part of what made Tenaega, well, Tenaega.

Seeing her like this, looking even more lost and broken than she ever had before, hurt Kylo to his core. He couldn't help but feel he had lost her, that there was no chance of bringing her to the Lightside of the Force.

But if there was one thing his mother had taught him, it was to have hope.

"Tenaega," he spoke to her softly, slowly walking towards her as he raised his hand to pull the little string that hung from the cell's ceiling, flooding the room with the lamp's pale light. "I have a feeling we have a lot to talk about."

She watched him warily, eyes wide and chest rising and falling faster with her quickening breath. "I just told you I wanted to fucking kill you, what else is there to talk about?"

Ben sighed and pulled up a chair from the corner of the room, placing it across from Tenaega before plopping down onto it, making sure to keep a few feet of distance between them.

"Still have that attitude I see,"

"Well, you were always the one who fueled it," Tenaega smiled at him ever so slightly before looking away, eyes darkening. "Until you left."

He looked down at the floor, his large hands clutching at his knees. "So let's talk about it."

Her eyes widened as she looked up, trying to meet his gaze. "But you never talked about anything."

"That was before."

"Before what? Before her?"

The last word left her mouth with a sickening bolt of anger, pure disgust evident in her voice.

"You mean Rey?"

She tore her eyes away from his again, a pink flush of embarrassment crossing her face. "Yes, the girl."

Ben couldn't help but notice the jealous feelings that seemed to ooze off of her, penetrating the air, filling the room. The pure hatred that Tenaega had for someone she never even met was the only thing on her mind.

"It wasn't just Rey, but she did change things, I know you felt it."

She nodded shyly, remembering the change that she began to sense in him before he even left. He became distant, avoiding being alone in a room with Tenaega in fear of her being able to read his mind and sense how he was feeling. Tenaega had tried her hardest to just ignore it, but the hurt and sting of rejection made it impossible for her to just shut her eyes to the evident change in his behavior.

"She brought me back, Tenaega. She brought me home."

"Because the First Order wasn't good enough for you," she spat with a sneer, feeling her heart break at his confession. "Because I wasn't enough for you."

The silence in the room was deafening, the only sound visible to Tenaega was her heart beating rapidly in her chest.

"Tens it was more than that, it-"

"No, you left me. You left me alone, just like I was before." She twisted her head so she could wipe the tears dripping down her face onto her shoulder, her hands clasped together behind her back within the chains, digits trembling.

Ben scooted his seat closer, leaning forward and placing a finger under her chin, lifting her face to his. "And I'm sorry. I'm truly, and utterly sorry."

Tenaega held his gaze for just a second, allowing herself to get lost in his eyes before ripping herself back to the reality of the situation, her anger.

"I don't want your shitty apologies," she snapped her head away from him, facing the wall over her right shoulder. "I've moved on, Solo."

"So why are you here then? Because it seems to me, you haven't moved on."

She chewed her lip, continuing to face away from him as she came up with her response. She knew deep down that she definitely hadn't moved on, the pain in her chest and the ache in her throat from holding back sobs confirmed that.  But Tenaega didn't want Ben to think she was weak, she wanted him to think that she didn't need him, just like she had tried to convince herself,

"I came here to kill your little girlfriend, Rey. I've made it obvious that I don't like the bitch."

"And why is that?"

"Well for starters, she's annoying, weak-minded, oh, and she's the reason why you betrayed me and the First Order."

Ben sighed and leaned back in his chair. "So you admit it, you haven't moved on."

Silence.

"That's what I thought."

With a grunt, Ben got up from his seat and rolled his neck and shoulders, the cell again being forced to listen to the sound of cracking joints. "Well, I'm afraid you're not going to get what you came for; not that part of it at least."

She rolled her eyes and watched him walk towards the cell door. "And why is that?"

"Because Rey is dead."

Tenaega's mouth dropped open, simply staring at the back of his head in shock. "What?"

Ben took a deep breath with his back still turned to her, hand on the doorknob. "When we finally destroyed the Emperor and got rid of the First Order for good, Rey sacrificed herself for it all in order to complete her destiny."

Slowly and with controlled emotion, he turned back to face Tenaega, seeing the surprise and interest in her eyes.

"And I wasn't able to save her, I couldn't bring her back."

Tenaega's expression softened as she looked at him, sensing the torment he still felt, the pain and sadness that had stuck with him for the past three years.  Almost all of the anger she was harboring against him slowly began to dissipate, her empathy for him taking over her emotions.

"Ben, I-"

"So I guess you got what you wanted anyway."

Despite her protests and her desperate calls for him to come back, Ben stormed out of the room, letting the door to Tenaega's cell slam shut behind him. 

 He had to get out of there. He couldn't spend another second alone with her, those old, hideous, furious feelings he hadn't felt in three years were dangerously close to resurfacing.

"Back to guarding her," he spat at the two Resistance officers that were waiting at the end of the hall. "And you two," he nodded at Finn and Poe, "Come with me."