Sometimes, I wonder what it feels like to be dead
To not feel anything, need anything, want anything and worry anything
To just feel nothing, and be content with that
It must be wonderful
Sometimes, I wonder what it feels like to live free
Free from want and need
Free from responsibility
Free from feelings
I bet it felt wonderful
Sometimes, I wonder what it feels like to not have this spider inside of me
To not feel it crawling inside my chest and under my belly
To not feel the poison it creates, making it harder to breathe every day
To not feel the palpitations it causes my heart
But, I'm also scared to let go
It was part of me
The eight legs are part of my wings
The four set of eyes are part of my sight
The teeth are my set of armor
The poison are my drugs
And it felt wonderful
Sometimes, I wonder what it feels like to be a butterfly
So beautiful, everybody look at you with awe
So fragile, everybody look at you with care
So free, everybody look at you with envy
So special, every other insects look down embarrassed
Even my spider loves you
It can't wait to eat you alive
So then, I stop wondering
