No Matter What I'm Here

Now Everything changed

Lucy Pov

It is now the second season of Pretty Little Liars and I hadn't seen anyone in the break. Sure we called and texted Shay, Ashley, Troian and a group chats and we talked everyday and Ian and I called and talked most days too. He asked to catch up a few times but I kept making excuses like I was busy or I don't have time. I know that is horrible but honestly it was all I could think of.

You might be asking why I didn't want to see Ian or the girls well it because I had been doubting myself recently with everyone from how I looked to how good of an actor I am sure I got this job because people thought I was good but I was questioning myself and that at this point. I hope they weren't taking pity on me but I think they were.

I pulled up on set nervous about today. I thought as long as I faked a smiled that I would be fine. 

I quickly got out of the car and started to walk towards the studios when I heard my name been called from behind me "Goose" I stopped and waited I knew that voice anywhere it was Ian. Ian walked to where I was and when he was close enough to me he hugged me before lifting me up in his arms " I missed you Goose" he spoke I couldn't help that smile at the nickname he had given me "I missed you too" Ian put me down again and looked at me " Really cause I did often to catch up" I was now hiding my guilt I felt awful "Yes Ian but you know me always busy" Ian couldn't help that smile again he knew this was true.

As we were heading in the same direction we decided to walk together when  Ian spoke up " Are you excited for this season and where Ezria will head?" I was deep in thought about the question " Yeah I am I just hope that they don't break up" Ian smiled at my reply "Me either I love working with you" Now I was the one smiling I stopped walking and pulled Ian into a hug. I was a bit less nervous about going on set now but I still wish I didn't have to be around everyone. "Goose you ok there?" I smiled at Ian nodding my head before speaking " Yeah I'm just glad it promo photoshoots today that all" Ian pulled me closer to him as I questioned whether I was do a good enough job at hiding what I was going through. He held me tight as we walked towards studio and I held him just as tight. As much as I didn't want to be back I was happy to see Ian again.

We walked into studio holding each other close when Shay yells out "Lucian have arrived" Ian and I looked at each other confused as Shay walked towards us and pulled us into a hug before Ashley came and did the same before Ian spoke up "What is Lucian?" Ashley laughed before responding "It a cross between Ian Harding and Lucy Hale the fans made the name because they love you guys so much" Ian and I smiled at this. " That sweet of our fans" Ashley smiled and hugged me "Yes Lucy it is now we are hanging out until the others arrive so come join us" Ian and I smiled as Ashely grabbed my hand pulling me towards studio and Shay did the same with Ian. Truth be told I hated this and was getting more nervous then before I was hoping I was hiding this well but I guess we will have to wait and see.

Ian and I sat on one of the couches while Shay and Ashley did on the other. Ian, Shay and Ashley talked about what they did on break but I completely zoned out I was feeling sick and even more nervous when suddenly I heard my name "Goose are you ok? Ashley asked you a question clearly you didn't hear" I looked at Ashley and smiled before getting up " I just need a minute I got up and ran as fast as I could. When I looked back quickly I could see the trio were concerned but I didn't care.

I ran and ran until I arrived at my dressing room when I did I shut my door putting a chair against hoping people wouldn't come in. Then I went to the corner of my dressing room and sat down with my knees up holding then with my arms and my head buried in then I was crying and shaking but I didn't care. I just let my doubts run wild in my head and cried even more