I left the bathroom, unable to look Coach in the face. I climbed into the bed and closed my eyes, shutting out the low light of the lamp on the desk and trying to shut out the buzz of my mind.
I could hear Coach step out of the bathroom, and felt the mattress sink under his weight. His hand wrapped around my stomach as he pressed himself against my back. He hugged me as tightly as he could as he kissed my shoulder softly, these weren't kisses used to try and instigate something sexual, but something more.
"Come here?" I lifted my head up as he slid his arm under it, I turned to face him, again speechless.
"What was your favourite part of the trip?" His voice had the tell-tale hoarseness of someone choking back their emotions.
I sat myself up and he followed suit.
"Is it cheating if I say all of it? The mountains, the food, the waterfalls...... You." My voice cracked as my mouth betrayed me. He looked happy but the hint of happiness soon disappeared from his face.
We spent the next few hours talking about all of the amazing things we had done and seen together.
"I remember when I first saw you. I felt something hit me in the back, I looked down and there you were. I tried to play it cool and unbothered but I felt like I had butterflies in my stomach."
"You mean when you grabbed my bags and threw them into the coach? You came across more rude than you did cool." I couldn't help but berate him a little.
He nodded in agreement.
"You're right, but I was really attracted to you. I couldn't let you know that straight away!" He smiled.
"When did you realise?" He looked me deep in the eyes as if he was expecting to try and work out if I was being honest.
"Realise I was attracted to you?" I paused in thought for a second.
"Probably at the Blue Lagoon when I got hard from you massaging my back."
His eyes glistened for a second before he furrowed his brows.
"You got an erection in the Blue Lagoon? Damn we could have had plenty of fun!" He ran his fingers down my chest playfully before grabbing my hands and holding them tight.
I leant my head on his shoulder as we carried on talking about the waterfalls we had seen, the times Coach had saved me from danger, the fact he had woken me up for my own private Northern Lights show.
The more we talked and the later it got the harder it was to hold back. My tears flowed down my cheeks and he wiped them away diligently every time, ignoring his own.
After hours of reminiscing and crying, my body was about to give out, but I had to fight it. I didn't want to sleep, I couldn't. I fought against it as much as I could but I couldn't keep my bloodshot, sore eyes open anymore. Coach took my head in his hands as he lowered it to his chest.
Every other night of this trip I was happy for the chance to rest, I welcomed sleep but not tonight. Tonight I cursed it.
The darkness gave way to a faint light, I blinked in the direction of the lamp as my phone alarm rang, muffled beneath my pillow. I swiftly pulled it from under the pillow and turned off the alarm. I turned to my side, Coach was asleep, face down, his arms and legs spread across the bed but I wasn't trapped under him this time.
I stood up on quaking knees, still exhausted from last night's tryst. I made my way around my room collecting the pieces of clothing I had left lying around last night. I stuffed them into the bag I had been using for my dirty clothes. I entered the bathroom and quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face before stuffing my toiletries back in my bag. The whole time fighting back the tears and the burning in my throat.
I left the bathroom as quietly as possible, I didn't want to wake Coach. He looked so peaceful as he snored gently. I opened my suitcase to grab some clean clothes and couldn't help but sob out loud as I tried to muffle the sound, covering my mouth with my hand. Coach had hidden the jumper and coat he had let me use on our first day together in my case.
I pulled on my clothes, layering up with his jumper and coat and threw the bag of used clothing into the case.
I made my way to the door wheeling the case behind me, I turned to face the bed. My eyes resting on Coach, his large frame barely hidden by the thin, white sheets. I wanted nothing more than to run and jump on the bed, to hug him, to kiss him. I wouldn't even need to have sex with him, all I wanted was for him to hold me.
