ACT LIKE YOU LOVE ME

Chapter 14 - Searching The Branches

TRIGGER WARNING – ANXIETY

"Maybe you are

searching the branches

for what only appears

in the roots."

(Rumi)

Camila and her mother sat in the waiting room of her therapist's office. Her anxiety had flared up, she needed a little extra help at the moment. The woman came out and smiled.

"Camila, come in."

Camila entered and sat on the seat. There was a small basket of objects on the table beside the chair. Squishy balls, fidget spinners, things to help physically cope with anxiety. She picked up a large squishy fish and squeezed it.

"I haven't seen you for a while, how are you doing?"

Camila looked up at the woman and smiled. She had helped her through a lot of bad times, she always felt calm in here. Gina crossed her legs and brushed back her long black braids. She always wore very neutral, calming colours but it made Camila happy to see she also wore a bright lipstick, something that suited her dark skin and exemplified her personality so much better than the pale pink pants and silk t-shirt she wore.

"Not so great right now, which is why I'm here, of course."

Gina nodded. "Is it the anxiety or the OCD, or both?"

"Both really."

"Anything happen to set this off?"

Camila squeezed the fish hard and fast. "I had a break-up with someone I was seeing, someone special, he used to be my best friend...". She probably knew who it was. She was probably telling her what she already knew.

"Is this your friend Shawn?"

"Oh you already heard about it."

She laughed. "No, but you talk about him a lot Camila, we've discussed Shawn many times."

"We have?" She didn't realise.

"So I'm guessing it progressed from just being friends to....something more?"

"More than something more," she murmured.

"You fell in love with him?"

"I've always loved Shawn, he's my best friend, as I said."

"Didn't you have a bit of a crush on him when you were younger? If I remember rightly, it has been a rather complicated relationship."

"Not really, my relationship with Shawn is the most uncomplicated thing in my life. He was always there for me, to ring or text or see. He was the one person in my life I could rely on."

"But there have been times when you thought of him as more than a friend."

"I....is that what I said?"

"I've been seeing you for a long time, Camila, and I'm pretty sure we've discussed your feelings for Shawn a few times, but it seems you and he always revert to just being friends. I felt that your friendship was more important to you both than the attraction, and you didn't feel the two things could co-exist, although perhaps your timing and his were at odds on occasion."

"I always thought attraction, sex really, was...maybe not overrated, but not as important, as friendship. I was far more devastated losing friends when I was younger than breaking up with boyfriends. Shawn was always there, he has always supported me and I him, he has been my constant. Even the very few times we have been, not fighting, but maybe it was that time and at odds thing you mentioned, I knew if I needed him he would drop everything and be there for me, and even when I was annoyed with him, or he had a girlfriend or whatever, I would always be there for him too."