//seasons of revenge one-shots\\

// connection \\

Summary: Mistflower struggles to connect with her daughter, and in the end her only choice is to let her go.
(set during duststar's ruination)
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Mistflower felt her heart clench as she gazed down, the newborn grey kit nestled by her side. It was her daughter - but it didn't feel like it.

The kit squealed and nuzzled into her pelt as Mistflower flickered a smile, then sighed. She felt weirdly, apart from the kit. Logically she knew this was her and Bumblestone's daughter, this small vulnerable kit totally reliant on her. The responsibility made her heart clench. What if she was a bad parent? What if she couldn't properly take care of her?

No. Mistflower thought, a small cry emitting from her mouth as she lay her head on the floor. This wasn't her daughter. It just felt like any normal kit that had been placed by her side.

Her heart shredded and flailed at the tattered connection she felt with the kit. There was nothing, no instinct to protect, no loving. And Mistflower hated it. Of course, she was a new mother, so she didn't know what her feeling were supposed to be, but she doubted it was this. Such emptiness filled her stomach at the thought of being a mother. She could imagine herself protecting the kit, but only out of her own morality - not because she was her mother.

"I'm sorry." Her voice whispered in the wind as she held the small kit by the mouth, ever so carefully - and placed it by Junipermist and her kits Cherrykit and Rubblekit.

Junipermist was awoken by the movement, one yellow eye turning to gaze at Mistflower, then softened as it saw the grey kit on the moss.

"I'll take care of her." The words were like relief to Mistflower, like a waterfall gushing into an abyss below, her anxiety washed away, as her expression became one of relief. She didn't need to feel like that. Junipermist would be a good mother to her daughter.

"Does she have a name?" The brown tabby asked in question, pulling the kit closer to her and began washing its pelt. "It's fine if she doesn't. But if you want to name her, you can. Or if you haven't made up your mind yet-"

"Darkkit." Mistflower whispered down, looking at her daughter, Darkkit in question. She winced slightly at the name, of course - it was such a bleak and cold name, and that made her freeze with dismay. Here she was, daughter not even a sunrise old, already foreboding her daughter of a name of the shadows.

"I think it's beautiful." Junipermist purred, then eyes narrowed at the kit as she looked at it. "It fits her perfectly!"

It was then that Mistflower noted how beautiful Darkkit was. Sleek dark grey pelt, a rough furred tail and tufted ears. Light speckled of black on her back and legs. She bore a slight resemblance to Bayberry, Mistflower's brother, with the angled head and long legs.

"I know. Isn't she?" Mistflower purred, then dropping her ears with sadness. She was letting Darkkit go, that wasn't an option - it was compulsory that Darkkit go to Junipermist. She was an unexpected kit, and during that time she was also training an apprentice, Dustpaw, who was only seven moons old.

"You go and train that apprentice of yours." Junipermist suddenly said, grasping Mistflower's train of thought. "I'll take good care of her, I promise. And feel free to visit anytime you want."

Mistflower dipped her head, amber eyes glancing once more at her daughter before she headed out the nursery, feeling wind ruffle in her pelt.

There was still a twinge of guilt, but if her daughter ever did need her, Mistflower knew she'd be there, even if from afar.