Smile for me? // Nammin

Fin

I'm so sorry this took more than a year to announce.
(If you don't wanna read the whole thing, it's basically me choosing to never continue it, and to better yourself if you need help, blah blah blah...)

Author's message: hello so this is kind of hard. I created this ff when I was pretty young (still sort of am but not really?) and used nammin & the rest of bts as characters for a scenarios I created in my head, of myself and someone I really liked atm (lmao they moved away). As at the time, I was obsessed with bts (now I'm just a casual listener, sorry :(( ). Bts provided a lot of comfort and allowed me to gain friends online and a really good one irl, as well as gave me some of the best memories in my life.

Later, I would find out making these scenarios and obsessing/ day dreaming over it, would have a negative affect on me and my grades. Not only that, but my mental health slowly deteriorated due to personal reasons. I used Kpop idols to fill romantic roles to fill my loneliness. I would create other stories, that I never released, to express my pain and sadness, as well as to have something to distract me from real life.

I got very depressed and had no friends in school. Later, when I would no longer see the crush, I started to use kpop idols to fulfill my loneliness and role of a s/o, because I always need to like someone to be distracted from being alone physically and mentally. However, at that time, not even kpop idols can make me happy. I invested so much time into them, and it sort of awakened me into wanting to better myself.

A whole school year went on and I think I got better. I made some friends (like one really close one, haha), focused on my grades (got a 3.95gpa last school year!!), my relationship with my family slowly got better, and I'm able to enjoy life again (sort of?!?), even though I do struggle with the feeling of having roller coaster emotions and sense of hopelessness for my future. For the most part I'm for sure better than last year. I still feel alone sometimes, but I have really good friends that I'm able to speak with, as well as picked up habits to help my case.

Most of all I realized that kpop idols were simply not there for me to take advantage of/ or keep as a distraction in my head (even tho Byun Baekhyun is very dreamy and seems almost too perfect to be real, haha). They should be motivation, and enjoyment for when you're bored and have nothing to do (like at 3am on wattpad). I was able to keep a healthy and stable affection towards idols I like. I don't know jimin or namjoon, nor their sexualities, however, the way I used them in this story didn't feel right to me. Them being associated with my crush and the story I created in my head, I don't care if they're gay or not (but I heavily support the lgbt+ community, and am part of it!!). My stan list also changed, which made it harder to continue this story.

But if you read all that... overall, I feel so happy that this ff gave people something to read, maybe laugh, and enjoy when they're bored and it's 3am and you're in your bed alone. I read all your comments even until today!! #187 in the nammin tag is INSANE, I thought no one would ever read what I'm writing as I lack in my writing skills and my worst subject is reading and writing class. I'm so glad some of you liked it. But I'm sorry to say I'll never finish this ff. We all know it was gonna end in namjoon and jimin ending up together. They will live happily ever after.

Please remember to love your idols in a healthy and non obsessive way. Don't be too blinded by them and how perfect they seem. Take full control of your life. And please remember everything will eventually get better in life, however, you will always need to put effort into it. If you're seriously struggling with something, speak to professionals about it, there are many online platforms (incase you're scared of telling your parents or irls) that are willing to help. I'm so grateful I had the privilege to sit down with myself and think about ways to change habits, my future, ambitions, and even though it sounds weird to willingly isolate myself. Not many people have the time to think and/or environment to be left alone. I hope you all turn out to be incredible humans that do good things for society!! Again sorry I took so long to announce, or if you think this is an update to the story. Bye, I guess💓💓