Animator vs Animation one shots

Vent

Ok, now I don't normally post a chapter like this, but I have nowhere else to let this out without someone stabbing me in the back or talking to those that I've already spoken to.

Now before I start talking about what I really want to talk about, I just want to say that this will be the last time that I post something random on this one shot book before starting on requests that you guys have given me. I will start working on your requests immediately and I will NOT let anything distract me at all until I have finished your requests.

First of all, I just wanted to say that writing these stories and the support that you guys have been giving me has been a great escape for me. It has helped me to get away from the problems that I have that I cannot get away from, at least not until I turn eighteen. But even then I won't escape completely. So what I'm saying is thank you, for all of your love and support.

Now, to tell you what my problem is.

At home I live with my siblings, mom, and grandparents. What has been a real problem has been that my grandparents are constantly talking behind my back. They often do it when I'm a few rooms over from where they are and they are just loud enough that I can hear them, but they most likely think that I can't hear them, either that or they want me to partially hear what they say.

In addition, they snoop around in my room as well as my sibling's rooms whenever we aren't there. They don't do it to make sure that we aren't smuggling drugs, hiding cigarettes or Juels, or have any porn hidden in our rooms. They just snoop to snoop. My sister is eighteen so she can stay up in her room for most of the day and avoid them or avoid them when she goes to work, and my brother doesn't seem bothered by them talking behind his back. But it angers me to hear them talking behind my back because it feels like they are saying stuff that they hate about me when I'm close enough to hear what they're saying.

A few days ago my mom made me and my brother mow the lawn on a hot day. I'm sensitive to heat, so I overhear easily. I mowed part of the lawn first, and I started to feel so awful that I was starting to think that I may be nearing the point of getting heatstroke. I took a short break and I looked up symptoms of heatstroke, only to find that most of the symptoms matched up with the way I was feeling, or looking in the case of the symptom of "flushed skin".

I continued to mow the lawn a bit more, and when the mower stopped working for a bit I took another break and talked to my brother about how I was feeling. We were sitting on the porch and it was a private conversation and I saw the window to my grandparents room open. My grandmother was eavesdropping on us. I kept my voice low and kept on talking to my brother, doing my best to make sure that she wouldn't hear us. She eventually closed the window, and then came back and opened it again.

Later on she told my mom what she had heard and my mom chose to take her mother's side even though I TOLD HER that she had eavesdropped on me and my brother. She refused to listen to me and I knew that if I kept talking then she would whip out the old "keep it up and you can go live with your father" thing. Threats only last so long, especially considering that if I go live with my father then I would immediately either be brought back or sent to and orphanage or foster care since he does not have what he needs to properly take care of me.

I was more concerned with the fact that I would get a headache if I kept on talking to her so I just stormed up into my room and slammed the door shut. She then said something about how if that happens again then I might lose my door, and eventually have to go live with my father. I was fuming, but there was nothing that I could do about it without losing something that allows me to escape from this nightmare.

The most recent infant was when it looked like had the choice between meatballs or pasta for dinner and I chose pasta because I was sick of meatballs because they were made WAY too often. I was then told, after I had gotten some in my bowl, that the pasta was only for my mom and sister and that I can just make something else. It wasn't what they said, it was how they said it.

It took me until nearing the end on my Junior year, which is the year that just ended for me, to realize why I have social anxiety. Not because of my dad, who is also a bad person but who I do not live with, but because of my grandparents. The only people that I am comfortable around for the first time meeting them are little kids and people who have a pet with them at the moment. Little kids because they won't judge you or make fun of you, because your a big kid and they seem to kind of respect that, especially when the big kid is fun. And pets because it's pets. If you see someone with a pet walking down the street and you don't wanna run up and let their pet them I don't know what's wrong with you.

Now my grandparents have judged me, made me doubt myself, made it clear that they believe that I am not being truthful about something that I would never EVER lie about, and made it clear that if they could throw me out into the streets then they could. I very rarely cry and thanks to them, very recently have broken down into tears. They make me want to leave a long cut down my arm just to see if they would give a shit about it, just to prove that they hate me. They never have any sympathy when I need it, they are always very unforgiving.

Looking back they are just below my father on the scale for worst people that I've ever met, my father being in first place, but I'm not here to vent about my father, I'm here to vent about my grandparents. I honestly believe that my father would actually give a shit if there was a huge cut down my arm and that they would immediately go into the "it's your fault, if your hurting it's your fault, if you think that we are gonna give you any attention then your wrong" kind of stuff. I literally remember I time a few years back where I tried to run out the front door so that I could get hit by a car and die.

These people have been the one's who have taking part in making my life miserable and it took me so long to notice.

I'm telling you right now that I WILL NOT be cutting myself and I WILL NOT be commuting suicide. I still want to live and hope for a better life once I leave everyone behind, but that I am just struggling with my emotions while I'm trapped here. I am more of an introvert, at least when it comes to face to face interaction, and the fact that I'm living with my grandparents and everything that they do makes me want to go out and stroll around all day.

That's all that I have to say. Again, I have to thank you guys for your love and support, as well as remind you that writing these stories and reading your stories is what helps me escape and find my happy place. I know I don't usually write stuff like this and this is part of the reason why I was thinking that I wouldn't really want to write angst, even though I won't turn down a request for an angst one shot.

Now for those of you who have read this chapter up to this point I'm sorry if it feels like I'm dumping this all on you. I really needed to let this out and I can't tell my brother because I'm afraid someone will eavesdrop, I can't talk to my sister because she either won't care or might tell my mom about which will only lead to another talk that I don't want to hear. I can't talk to my mom because she won't care how I feel just because it's her parents that are causing these feelings. And you know that I clearly can't talk to my grandparents.

I can't talk to my dad because I don't want him to ever hear or see my cry tears of sadness again. There's no one else who I feel as though I can trust enough not to say snot thing to my family, and since nobody on the internet knows my family...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I don't want to take up your time, I don't want you to have to carry a part of the weight that's been on my shoulders for so long, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

If I had somewhere else to talk to about this than I would instead, but I have no one. I'm sorry for taking up your time with this. But I need to do this, and I need to cry about this to someone.

I'm sorry.