8 Letters | Daniel Seavey x Reader

chapter eleven ~ boop

Young me was never good at pinpointing my feelings. Hell, maybe I'm still not. The situation with my parents made it incredibly difficult to express my emotions and my thoughts. And maybe I haven't healed from those wounds, but they never opened again. After I moved out with Christina, it's just something I put off.
Perhaps they can be treated properly.
Okay let's stop this thought before I realize I need a therapist. I probably do but that is not the point.
I do not even remember making it to my destination. I basically went on autopilot as I daydreamed about my past and possibly my future when I saw the tour bus come into view. The bus; the vehicle that will make it incredibly hard to see Daniel. The invention that will make us miles apart.
I hate this fucking bus. It's like having your childhood best friend move away. Finding out that you can't walk home from school laughing your ass off with your best friend anymore, not being able to see if they pass their driving test, not being able to smile the same. Seems dramatic, but it's how I feel. Dramatic.
I see him. His back faced me, leaning against the stupid bus while he looks down -- probably at his phone. There seems to be no one else around. As I got closer I realized why: the rest are inside. The air suddenly gets a lot more colder when I fixate on his mussed hair. Makes me want to run my fingers through them.
"Hey." I gathered enough courage to speak. Because I knew that as soon as I decided to talk, our time was ticking whether I wanted it to or not. I think Daniel thought the same, because I've never seen someone whirl around so quickly.
A smile etched onto his face. "Hi. Long time no see."
"Too early for long distance jokes." I say. He shook his head, laughing. I don't know how he can be so calm about this when the back of my throat is scratchy.
"Please stay."
"You know I can't."
I sighed. "I know you can't." I took a step closer to him, Daniel doing the same. So dangerously close that I can smell his cologne. I am fighting the urges: to run away and cry or to hug him and never let go. "I want to see you again."
"Soon. I will find a way. Maybe you can come with me?"
"You and I both know damn well it doesn't and will not work that way."
He exhaled deeply. "You're right." I know I'm right but both of us are getting light headed from the reality of it all. Just a few hours ago, we were cuddling on my couch. The pretty lights and noise of New York City were the background sounds to my main song: Daniel's heartbeat. Now I won't get to hear it again, at least for a long time. I'm scared I'm gonna forget it.
He stared at me. A tiny pull lifted the corners of his mouth, but nothing happened.
"Then I guess this is goodbye." Daniel pulls me into a long, warm, addicting hug. I want to sob. I want to pull him back into my apartment, throw him on the couch and lay on top of him till the end of time. When he pulls back with his arms wrapped around my waist, ejecting me from the fantasies I've created, he taps my nose. "Boop! Don't forget me, alright? Not that I'm gonna let that happen. But I'm reminding you all the same."
I nodded. I fear that if I speak, I might lose it.
I can control my emotions.
He kissed my forehead and let go. Hopping onto the bus without looking back. I stay put. I can still feel the ghost of his kiss lingering. I can't help but want more.
I hate goodbyes. But I wave at the bus as it leaves the vicinity anyway.

~~~

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