Who knew that the thought of insanity can wreck you more then insanity itself. It's been about two months since I was diagnosed with adult-onset Huntingtons Disease. It's horrible, i'm horrified. There is no other way to describe my feelings on my disease other then, I am fucking horrified. I'm scared...for my family, my friends, and for me. It's very hard to keep it secret, not sure if its possible to keep it a secret from my family for much longer. Only Mat knows, he always tells me to stay strong, and I'm not sure if I can keep on staying strong, I am slowly crumbling. My doctor, Dr.Barnes, perscribed me with co-enzyme Q10. Apperently it slows down the process of the disease. I feel it has helped, but I know I am one step closer to the full effect every morning. My wife, Anna says I have changed.. if only she knew why. Our marrige is slowly going through the cracks, and this news... would just make everything fall apart. I am so conflicted. My actions through this life, I can understand why go would punish me with this burden, but my family shouldnt have to suffer as well, as which they are. My twelve year old daughter, Victoria shouldnt have to loose her father. I lost my father at 10, and it fucked me up. Anna shouldnt have to loose her husband, she doesnt deserve to be widowed. My two other daughters, who are six year old twins, Macy and Grace, should not loose their daddy either. I'm going to die crazy, I rather not die knowing I have ruined my family either.
