"Reagan?"
"I'll be out in a minute!" He yells from his room.
"What are you doing? Breakfast is getting cold!"
I hear his footsteps in the hallway then, and a minute later, he appears with his school bag draped over his shoulders.
See, Zane and I had to get a new school for our son after we moved here. Reagan didn't get to attend his new school before and after his father passed on, but today, I'm not letting him stay in this house. He's talking non stop about his Dad, and I feel that he won't have to think about him if he's busy with school. It's probably not going to work but that's the only plan I can come up with. I just want him to focus on something to keeping him from obsessing about his father.
He wrings his nose at the food in his plate.
"I think I'll skip breakfast."
I raise my eyes from my own untouched plate to look at him.
"I made your favourite."
"Thanks Mom, but I'm not hungry."
"Do you want juice? Cereal? Maybe eggs?"
He vehemently shakes his head.
"There's nothing wrong with the pancakes. I'm just not hungry."
"What's wrong, Reagan? You can tell me anything."
He sighs, picking the fork from his plate and absently stirring his milk with it.
"Dad didn't come to my room when I went back to sleep. It's always freezing cold when I open my eyes. Today, it was warm."
"Reagan-"
"I know what you're going to say; that Dad is not here anymore. I know. If he were, he wouldn't let me sleep alone. He would have been around when I woke up. Do you think I did something to upset him? Is that why he didn't come back last night?"
I sigh. Here we go again.
"Look, your father is dead. We'll see him again after a very long time. You miss him, I miss him, I'm sure he misses us too. But he's not here, Reagan. He's not."
"I know what I saw."
"You dreamt."
He narrows his eyes at me.
"You think I'm lying, don't you?"
"I think you're going through a lot. I want you to know that I'll be here whenever you need me, and I'll try my best to give you everything your father would have given you and more. All you have to do is ask and I'll give you whatever you want."
"Okay. I do want something."
"Anything."
"I don't want to go to school."
I blow out my breath.
"Look-"
"Mom, you said anything. I want to stay home."
"Till when?"
"I don't know. Till I feel ready to resume school."
I shrug. I don't know what to do. I don't want him to just stay home and overthink all day, but I also don't want to be too hard on him. He's only seven and he just lost his father. If he wants to stay home for a few more days, then I'll let him.
I'll get to spend more time with him, anyway. It's not like I'm looking forward to spending the day in this big house all by myself.
"Okay." I tell Reagan with a nod. "You can stay home."
"Thanks. I'll be in my room if you need me."
"No. Stop pushing your chair back. Since you won't go to school, at least eat your breakfast."
