I won't wait (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 14

The bell rang and I rushed to Jess. He tried to slip away, but I wouldn't let him. He sighed deeply and stared into my eyes. "My house at 3:00". I nodded my head and looked at him longingly. I don't even know how to begin to apologize.

Brant tried to walk up to me but I ignored his presence. He could've fixed this entire issue yet of course he keeps it from me. Who the hell does that?! I sighed deeply and walked to my next period enduring them like the others for the entire day.

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Once school was over I rushed home so I could have some time and privacy to think about what I was going to say. I ran over so many words, but I knew none of them would amount to the regret I feel. I sat down and ran a hand over my face. I don't know how to fix this.

I've never had to fix a relationship before. I've almost always been the one to break them, maybe that's all I know how to do. Should I buy him something? Roses? No, roses are what you buy a woman. Chocolate? What if he doesn't like it, what if he thinks I'm trying to buy him back? Shit, why is this so hard! I might as well leave and see how it goes.

Traffic, traffic, traffic. I was making me nervous. Having all this time to think about what may happen. What if I screw up so terribly he never even looks at me again. Why am I such a mess up. I watched the buildings go by and thought of what it'd be like to move out and live in one of those after high-school. I want to go to NYU so I can stay close to home. I am after all a mamas boy.

We had finally arrived and I felt like I couldn't breath. Every second that went by as I walked up to his house put a weight on my chest. Will he forgive me? Will he forever hate me? I don't know?

I knocked three times and waited for the door to open. I was looking at my shoes when I saw the bottom of the door start to creak open. I looked up with bright eyes only to see who I assumed to be his father. "Uh hey, I'm here for-"

"I don't think you should be here". Of course he told his father, why wouldn't he? His dad probably hates me too. Damn. I stared at him with my mouth open not really knowing how to make him let me in. To my luck Jess came to my rescue.

"It's okay dad, I invited him over". His dad looked at him in disbelief.

"Are you sure son?" He nodded his head and his father stepped aside. I could see the disgust in his eyes that I feel for myself in my heart.

Jess gestured with his head for me to follow him upstairs and I obeyed. I was freaking out on the inside while I kept a cool collected vibe on the outside, or at least I think I am. He sat on his bed and looked up at me with a raised eyebrow. I didn't know where to start and he noticed. He stretched making the white fabric of his shirt tighten around his chest and his sweats crinkle. "So you came to here to talk to me. What about"?

I took a deep breath and let everything just spill out. "I am so, so sorry that I slept with Natasha it was so wrong and I don't know what I was thinking. Actually I do know what I was thinking, I was thinking about getting back at Chad for being with you because I was pissed. Which was totally stupid because you two weren't even together, and I messed up on that. I really want you to forgive me because I really need you in my life and I don't know what to do or in all honesty what to say. I've never had to do something like this before". Once I was done with my little rushed unrehearsed speech I looked up through my eye lashes at him. I expected a reaction of anger, sorrow, forgiveness, anything but the neutral expression he was holding right now.

"It's fine. I forgive you. It's not like we were together anyways. It's okay".

"No, what I did was totally wrong and I, I-" he put a hand to my shoulder and gave me a little smile.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it".

"Are you sure?" He nodded his head. "So can we go back to the way we used to be". He sighed deeply and looked away from me.

"I uhm. I think it's best we don't talk".

"What?! But, you just said it's okay, you forgive me".

"I do, but I can't have this happen again-"

"It won't! I won't let it happen again!"

"Derek. I think it's time for you to go".

"No! I won't go, not until you tell me that you'll see me again!" Someone wrapped their arms around me and started to drag me out of the room. "No! Jess, please". He looked at me and before he could look away I saw one single tear fall down his cheek. In this moment I knew what it felt like to get rejected by someone you deeply care about. I had hurt him, and that hurts me.