A writer's memory bunk

SORRY-CIDAL

     She's my best friend. She means a lot to me. She is tough, she is strong. I’ve known her for about ten years, we we're like siblings not only by blood. We knew each other’s secret, each other’s dark and humiliating secrets. But suddenly, she changed. It feels like she was no longer that person whom I knew for the past ten years. She’s no longer the person I used to know. She’s different, totally different.

I am walking towards their front door. Today’s her birthday; it's her 18th birthday to be exact. I haven't been able to check her since the start of the enhanced community quarantine. I miss her so much. It feels like i haven't seen her for about a year or so. This quarantine is serving too much anxiety. It kills me. Physical distancing really is giving us anxiety.

     I knocked three times at her door but no one replied. I was about to call her when I saw her phone on their living room. Her mother is cooking spaghetti for her birthday and her father has gone to work. Basically, everyone is busy.
    
Her mother told me that she hasn’t gone out of her room yet and I think she is still sleeping coz it's still early. It’s just 9 am in the morning. A rustic scent is seemingly overpowering her room's humidifier. I can smell it; the space behind her door is enough for me to smell the eerie scent.
   
I immediately called out her mom, asking for the spare key to her room. As soon as I have with me the key, i immediately opened her room and there, i saw her. She is bathing with her own blood. A knife, sharp enough to cut any kind of meat is located a meter away from her right hand. It seems like she cut her own without any hesitation.
    
I was caught off guard, her mother burst into tears. She is seemingly okay on the outside but little did they know that she was hurt inside. That she is struggling. I ran into her and tried to revive her but I guess I won't be able to do it. I cried in so much grief. It feels like a piece of mine was taken away from me. i was devastated the moment I saw her.
    
I searched for her phone and saw her unfinished note. "Happy birthday to me, I’m so happy that I had to reach my 18th birthday but I guess this is my last birthday to celebrate. i feel like the pain that I am struggling with gets bigger and bigger every day. I am so done with this pain. I am sorry for everything, mama, papa, kuya and to you sunny. Sorry for seeing me, taking my own life. I will regret this soon but I think, this is way better than feeling the enormous pain I am feeling. Sorry."
    
I burst into tears. My best friend is gone. She is no longer breathing. I cannot believe that she committed suicide. If only I was there for her, for sure she's still alive. To those people out there, please talk to your family, friends or people out there. Seek for help. Tomorrow is uncertain but we can change our tomorrow with our doings in the present. This will be my eulogy for you, Yuna. If you are listening, please talk to me even if you're now a soul, searching for someone to talk to.