Ed and Rosie (An Ed Sheeran Fan Fiction)

Chapter 8: Need

A few months had slowly but surely passed, and the cuts were spreading like wildfire. My stomach, my thighs, my arms; ruined. Scarred. I felt like a bird. I’d been locked up, now merely a possession of another. I was trapped in a cage with no way out, not free like I once was, like I was supposed to be. I hadn’t been treated right, and now my feathers that had once made me beautiful were now falling out one by one, as my confidence deteriorated rapidly. Cutting myself had turned into a desperate attempt to escape, a cry for help. I relied on it, I depended on it. It had become the only thing that could temporarily distract me from the sharp pain that was eating me alive on the inside.

I woke up, just as I did every morning. I stretched my body, allowing it to click into place as I let the simple pleasure momentarily relieve me. I got up, immediately throwing on a baggy jumper and jeans, concealing not only my body, but each wound that accompanied it; ones that I’d inflicted on myself, and ones that had been inflicted onto me by my boyfriend. “My boyfriend,” I repeated out loud, my voice weak and quiet as the sadness caught up with me as I was reminded of my reality. I threw on as much make up as I could, desperate to disguise my natural appearance. I wasn’t even going out today, I simply didn’t want to be reminded of myself. I lay on the sofa as I looked through my phone. “Can we meet today? -Ed x” that was the text. The text that started everything.  The text I read over and over each day, wishing I’d never received it. The text that let jealousy get the better of Daniel, now making him a paranoid mess. Admittedly, he drank quite a bit, but whenever he’d threaten me, hit me, punch me... that text would be his justification. If it wasn’t for Ed I might have been happy with Daniel, but I didn’t want to be anyway. I wanted to be happy with Ed. He would never hurt me intentionally. Everything with him was effortless, simple, perfect. I loved being around him. I texted him back after all this time. I knew already that it was a bad idea, but I craved his presence; he made me happy so effortlessly and these days, happiness was anything but an often occurrence. We arranged for me to come to his beach house, the one we went to the night we’d first met. The weather was starting to get cold now so it would be a relief to be somewhere inside, warm, and most of all, safe. I didn’t feel safe much anymore, I was never alone. I was always either with Daniel or my thoughts, and to be honest, I didn’t know which was worse. It wasn’t too far a drive, anyway. Already dressed, I hopped in my car as I eagerly began the journey.

He opened the door, a broad smile instantly appearing on his pale face.. His blue eyes glistening as he was clearly happy to see me. Just as I’d remembered. He wasted no time, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me in for a tight hug. His hands snaked more around my body allowing his arms to overlap as he buried his head into my neck, tickling my skin with his fluffy red hair. “I missed you, Rosie.” I heard him say, his voice muffled and sincere. I cracked a smile as my arms responded to the hug, cherishing his warmth. “I missed you too.” I giggled, attempting to make the situation happier. He let me in, gesturing for me to follow. “Beth’s gone out, she’ll be back in a bit.” Beth. I forgot about her.  I shrugged it off as we both sat next to each other on the sofa. There was so much to say, so many feelings and so many questions, but both of us remained silent as the tension quite obviously built up. “So erm..” He started quietly, looking around nervously, before reaching out to my arm as he stroked it gently. He continued, still avoiding eye contact completely. “Look I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, I just-” he was immediately cut off by my sudden and quick intake of air. He looked up me, confusion now weaved into his expression. I instantly regretted it, although I knew I couldn’t have stopped myself. I winced at the pressure he was applying to my arm; it wasn’t much, but enough to irritate the new wounds that had not yet fully healed. He noticed this as the concern in his face grew stronger. “Why... why does that hurt so much, Rosie?” I didn’t reply, unable to say anything as I fought as hard as I could to stop the tears that would inevitably come sooner or later.  He lifted up the thick fabric of my jumper, slowly uncovering my arm. I let out a deep sigh, ashamed. I could feel his eyes fixed on me, while I was doing everything I could to avoid catching sight of him. I wouldn’t be able to handle ‘that look’, not from him. That look of sympathy you get when your cuts might catch someone’s glance. That was the worst part of it, really. The judgement people passed. The knowledge that yet another person now knew just how messed up your mind was. He covered my scars up again with my sleeve, noticing that I was uncomfortable. I could tell he was still in shock, surprise and sadness woven together in his tone. “You’re...  the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on in my whole life. You’re intelligent. You’re funny. You’re sweet. Look at you, not a single thing is wrong with you, nothing at all. You don’t deserve to feel like this.” I looked up at him, frowning slightly as I took in his slightly stuttered words. “I’ve been there. I’ve felt like that. I’ve felt like that was my only outlet for escape, and I wish I could go back and tell myself it isn’t, it’s anything but escape, it’s just trapping you more and more.” He cupped my face in his hands, looking me straight in the eyes before saying the next part. “It just makes you feel weak, and some people may just be that, but you’re not. You’re strong. You’re better than this. I promise you that.” He released my face lightly, his hands returning to his lap as he allowed me to take in his words. I stroked my cheek where his fingers had just lightly traced, swallowing hard as I prepared for what I was about to say. I closed my eyes tight. “Ed.. I can’t stop thinking about you. I missed you so much, and I want – no, I need you, only you. I love you. And I know it’s an awful thing to say because you have a girlfriend but I just can’t hold it in any longer.”  I stumbled on my word, rushing them in the attempt to stop myself thinking too much. I immediately regretted it, opening my eyes to see Ed’s dumbfounded expression. “Sorry,” I breathed; I was disappointed, but I don’t know what I was expecting, really. I stood up, heading for the door, when my path was interrupted by a familiar pair of hands on my waist. “I love you too,” he whispered in my ear, as if it were a secret. Our secret. He spun me around swiftly before crushing his lips urgently onto mine, our mouths finding a perfect rhythm the second they collided. Our tongues danced together as they fought for dominance, while I ran my hand through his hair, tugging lightly as the tufts I caught in between my fingertips. He moved one arm to the back my head, pushing my head further towards his as the kiss deepened further.  We had both been waiting for a kiss like this for so long, made evident as we clasped on to each other with urgency and dependence, wanting - no, needing, each other right this second.

“What the fuck?!” We separated quickly in panic as we heard a familiar voice. And there Beth was, stood at the door, glaring at the two of us as both rage and sadness built up in her dark eyes.