Second Chances

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"I'd like a mint chocolate ice cream, please." Louis said with a grin. He turned around to smile at me, letting me know that it's my turn to give my order.

"Yeah, I'd like a cookie dough ice cream," I said plainly to the cashier.

She smiled and put in our orders in the cash register. "That'll be £12 pounds."

Louis quickly came to my side and started to pull out his wallet. "Don't worry mate, ice cream's on me," Louis mentioned to me with a wink, handing the cashier the money. "So, you like cookie dough. I actually quite hate that flavor, if you ask me. Gives me a bit of a heavy feeling in my stomach. It's quite filling," Louis stated, trying to get me to talk.

I answered him with only a very small grin.

Louis sighed before he started talking again. "Niall, you haven't talked since the argument you and Liam had back at your place. What's going on? Why the sudden change in ya?" Louis questioned with a concern look. I kept avoiding his gaze, to make it not look obvious that I was quite in the mood.

Before I could try to answer back, the cashier came with our orders. "One mint chocolate and one cookie dough," she said with a warm smile. Louis turned to face her and thank her. He took both of the cones in his hands, handing me the cookie dough one.

We were heading out the ice cream shop when Louis spoke up again. "Okay, I brought you some ice cream, hoping that maybe it'll cheer you up a bit. Now, could you be so kind to explain the sudden change in mood?"

I kept silently walking next to Louis, thinking about how I should answer him back. I know I can tell Louis anything, really. He was quite trustful in a way that he wouldn't be so blunt about telling the other lads. I quickly glanced at him, seeing that he was waiting for my reply.

"I just miss Arabella a lot, Louis. Now I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so depressed and angry all the time. It hurts. It hurts to think she's not in this world anymore. I don't even know how to fucking cope with myself," I explained through tears.

"It's alright mate. You can get through this. I know you can. You have me and the other three lads to help you out," Louis paused, looking to himself like he was about to say something he shouldn't. "You know, after Harry came back from talking to you, he looked like he was about to erupt in tears. The poor lad had such a sad expression on his face. He told me," Louis stopped to look at me. His face was now in a concerned expression. He sighed before he continued. "Niall, he told me that you cut yourself a few days ago. He saw your scars."

I looked away from him and started to walk forward. "I don't wanna talk about the cuts. Can we just keep on walking till we get to the park, please?" I replied. Louis still had that concerned look like how he did a few minutes ago.

There was a split second of silence before Louis replied back. "Alright, let's go to the park then."

~~~~~~****~~~~~~

"So.....why did she video tape herself jumping off the bridge? And of all places, the spot where you confronted her about your feelings towards her?" Louis asked.

Louis and I were both sitting on the swings of the playground. The playground only had about six other kids running around the place. While Louis and I were swinging back and forth on the swing set, I had enough courage to tell him what happened to Arabella.

"I don't know, Louis. I don't even WANT to know why. I just wish I could've stopped her," I answered with a whisper. I looked down at the ground, studying the texture of my shoes.

Louis tapped my right shoulder to get my attention back on him. "Niall, it's okay to feel grieve sometimes. But it's also okay to let go, too," Louis said with a small grin. I gave him a weak smile in return.

"I know that I have to let go, Louis. But......I've never been in a situation where someone so close to me killed themselves just because I wasn’t there enough for them. I don't know how much those people tormented her at her school, or what was going on in her family. It's all my fault mate, I could have done something about it. I could have let her continue her life. And now......I just feel SO MUCH grief," I turned away from Louis to wipe away the forming tears.

"I think your in a situation where you're putting grieve on your self for something that's not your fault, Niall," Louis explained. "Mate, if you ever need anybody to talk to, please come to me or the other boys, or even Paul, we'll help you out. Just.......don't give up on us, okay? And if you are coming to that stage, tell us right away and we can help you through it. We know how you feel," Louis explained calmingly.

I turned back to look at him. "No, Louis. You don't know how I feel," I replied with a mumble.

Louis let out a loud and tired sigh before speaking again. "Alright Niall, whatever you say." He stood up from the swing and looked down at his phone. "Got a text from Harry saying that the signing's postponed till tomorrow afternoon," Louis paused to look down at me, “we should be heading back now."

"Yeah, we should."

~~~~~~****~~~~~~

Louis and I took about half an hour walk from the park back to our apartments. When we both reached the entrance, Louis turned to face me.

“Alright mate, here we are. Now I was thinking that maybe you should talk to Liam now and see if he’s alright,” Louis explained. “Though I think that maybe he should be the first out of both of you to be doing that”, he said with a smile, “but since I know you’re a good lad, you’d be willing to do that first. I got another text from Harry a little while ago saying that Liam’s in his room and is just being depressed.”

I looked down at the ground for a minute, thinking about whether I should actually go and see Liam or not.

“Niall, I think he also deserves to know how you’re actually feeling about all this instead of lashing out every time on everyone.” Louis told with sympathy in his voice.

I looked up at him, considering his advice. “Okay Louis, I’ll go talk to him.”

“Good.” Louis replied with a smile that showed off his teeth.