The Hidden Princess: Secrets Revealed (Book Two)

Chapter Nine: "I had to watch them die"

"No, it can't be," I said, shaking my head. "If it was true and you were my brother you would have never let me go through all my life alone," I said, taking a shaky breath. "If you were my brother you wouldn't have let thirteen years go by without coming to me even if it was dangerous," I said. He didn't respond. Looking at Nate he too sat silently. Which made it worse because without either saying anything it made it more real. "I'm not a princess. I'm a girl from Hillsdale," I said, trying to make myself believe it.

"Scarlett, you are my sister, the princess," Alexander said, stepping towards me.

"You are selfish. Your plan was about you, keeping you safe. If you had come to me sooner then maybe my parents would be alive! I had to watch them die," I cried. Alexander reached out, but I shoved him away.

"We both did. I was ten when I witnessed our parents murder," he said remaining where he stood.

Shaking my head. "It's not the same. You did not see your mother die defending you, you didn't see your sister get kidnapped, you didn't hold your father as he bled out, you didn't see your home burned to the ground," I whispered. "I can't do this," I said, turning to walk out. I felt Alexander grab my arm and without thinking I turned around punching him as hard as I could in the jaw. As soon as my wrist was released I ran out of the bakery. My eyes stung from the tears as I ran through the streets and out of town. Falling to my knees in the meadow just out the walls of Jarrow I let myself go. Let my emotions take over as sobs racked my body.

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"Is it true? Is it?" I cried, turning to the sky. Slowly I looked at the stream running by. The falling sun reflected my face on the water. "How could I be the princess?" I whispered. Then reaching down I grabbed a rock throwing it in the water disorating my reflection. Falling back I pulled my knees to my chest.

"Samantha?" I heard a voice call but I didn't move. My world had finally come to a sense of normality and now this. I wasn't ready to face anyone. Yet, I heard feet approaching and felt a body sit down beside me. "Samantha, what happened?" the voice asked. Slowly I turned to find Rowen sitting beside me. "Who hurt you?" he asked, seeing the tears.

"I've been seeking answers my whole life. Wondering about who I was before being adopted. I was told tonight who I am... but, I can't... I can't accept the answers," I said after a minute of silence. "People won't look at me the same. I won't look at me the same..." I said turning back to the stream.

Rowen sighed. "It's never easy having to come to terms with who you really are. However, when you do, is when you become stronger," he said.

Slowly turning to face him I realized that he was speaking from personal experience. He wasn't looking at me but into the trees. "How do you accept something you aren't even sure about? How do you come to terms when you don't know who to turn to?" I asked.

"You take time. You process on your own and when ready reach out to one or two people before going further. You accept that there will be questions without answers and answers you aren't going to like," he said, bringing his face to mine. "You stay here and you throw rocks into the stream and yell out all those thoughts in your mind until you have no voice left," he said standing and handing me a handful of rocks.

"Where are you going?" I asked as he started to walk away.

He turned back and looked from the rocks in my hand up to my face. "This first step is one you need to make on your own. When you're ready, find someone to talk to. I'm here, but I'd suggest going first to someone who's known you for more than a week," he said. A silence fell between us as we held each other's gaze. "You'll make it through this and come out stronger," he said before walking back into the walls of Jarrow.

After Rowen left I didn't move. The weight of the rocks in my hand felt as though they were weighing me down. "How could you have kept this from me?" I asked, looking to the sky. "You knew! You knew since the moment you held me in your arms," I said, starting to shake. I picked up a rock and let it fall into the water. "You lied to me about my heritage when I asked," I said tossing a rock and watching it splash. "Then just like them you left me!" I cried this time throwing the rock and watching it skip a few times before sinking. "I can't be a princess! I'm not even sure I can stay in Jarrow," I said, throwing another rock. I stood, pacing along the water. "I've been accepted as Sam from Hillsdale, but who would accept me as the lost princess," I cried. Continuing to yell and throw rocks I soon found myself with an empty hand. "Can I really be stronger after all of this?" I asked with a sigh. An owl's call caught my attention and I turned to see him swooping into the meadow to catch his breakfast. I froze. Then slowly looked to the sky where the sun had been replaced by the moon. "Crap," I whispered thinking back to my agreement to Louis before I left the compound earlier today. Sighing I jogged back to the compound dreading what was to come.

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Leaving the meadow my mind was on high alert trying to figure out a way to get out of the trouble I would be facing. However, when I got back to the compound all I wanted to do was get to my room and sleep. I didn't have the energy to face any of the Dragons. Slipping into the compound I paused hoping no one would notice my entrance. Making my way to my room I thought I had managed a clean entrance. "So nice of you to return," Alakay said from behind me. Slowly turning around I came face to face with all my brothers.

"I thought we had an agreement, Sam," Louis said, walking towards me. "You said you'd be back before the sun set," he said, crossing his arms.

"I lost track of time. Sorry," I said looking at Louis. "I'm really tired. I'm just going to go to bed," I said nodding to the building where my room lay.

"Not so fast," Benedict said, speaking up and stepping forward. "You have some explaining to do. Nate was here a few hours ago... He said you got into an argument and you walked off. He thought you'd come back to finish, but when you didn't he came looking for you. Where were you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Sighing, I crossed my arms and looked at my brothers. "I got upset. I needed time to cool down. It's not like I was wreaking havoc on the city. I just needed time, that's all," I said.

Benedict shook his head. "Not going to cut it. You are an apprentice, Sam. You don't get to make your own rules. We need to know where you were," he said.

"It doesn't really matter does it? I went, I'm back. I'm tired and so I am going to go to bed. I know I am in trouble, but I will deal with it tomorrow. I'm done," I said, turning and walking away. A hand came down on my shoulder spinning me around. "I said I'm done!" I called sending a right hook at the person who'd touched me.

"You better be," Benedict said as he held my wrist, narrowing his eyes on me.

My eyes widened as I realized what I had just done. I had just tried to knock out my brother, my lieutenant.

Benedict didn't say anything as he kept my wrist in his hand and walked towards the training arena. He let my wrist go and took a step back bringing his hands up to a ready position. "You want to hit me? Then let's do it," he said, motioning for me to come at him.

Shaking my head I stepped back. "Benedict, I'm sorry. I was out of line. I am tired and frustrated. I just need time," I said.

He shook his head, keeping his hands up. "I can see that. What you need is to get that frustration out. Come on Sam, hit me," he said. He lunged at me and I blocked. "Whatever is going on, take it out on me. Look at me as your problems," he said.

Hot tears threatened my eyes as I stood watching Benedict in front of me. Letting my emotions take over I lunged at him throwing a sloppy punch that he easily blocked. "Is that all you got," he taunted. A growl escaped my lips as I let myself go.

Soon my body was soaked in sweat. Each of us getting our fair share of hits in. The conversation with Nate flooded my mind, followed by the one with Alexander and then Rowen. My face was now stained with tears and sweat. My body shook with frustration, sadness, fatigue, confusion. "I can't do this," I cried, falling to my knees sobbing tears I thought I had dried out. I felt a hand come down on my shoulder, looking up I saw Benedict kneeling beside me. My other brothers standing right behind him.

"We're here Sam. Let yourself feel your emotions," Benedict said.

"I thought I knew who I was. I thought I had my life figured out. I'm so lost," I sobbed.