my girl, forever and always || steve harrington

the pollywog

part two

tw: lots of cursing, self-hatred 

soft snores emitted from steve as his head lay on lydia's lap while star wars played, as per usual. she brushed her hands through his hair mindlessly and stared at the screen while her mind raced a mile a minute with hurtful thoughts.

how he could he do this? was it my fault? did i do this? i thought he loved me. i thought steph loved me. do i drive away everyone that loves me? is it my fault they left? was i not pretty enough for laurie? was i not good enough for him? maybe i was just too fucking stupid to see that he was just out of my goddamn league. am i really that fucking dense? god out of everyone why my best fucking friend? the one fucking person in the world who i trust. i can't believe i fucking trusted her. that fucking bitch. or maybe i'm the bitch. am i the bitch here? shit is this all because of me? did i fuck up the one good thing i had? fuck. fuck. fuck. FUCK.

"fuck." she whispered as tears ran down her face again. she tried her best to stifle her sobs so she wouldn't wake the boy resting on her legs but they wracked her body causing steve to sit up in a panic. his hands flew to her face and immediately began wiping her cheeks.

"lyds, what's wrong? did something happen?" he held her face with a touch so gentle he felt like he was handling the finest china in the world. the perfect porcelain that was her skin was tainted with tears once again and he couldn't bear to see her break and crack anymore than she already had. he pulled her into his chest and rubbed her back as she cried incoherent sentences. then, after a moment, a few small words escaped. 

"why does everyone leave me?" she sounded like a lost little girl and it shattered his heart. 

"what do you mean?"

"my dad, laurie, steph. people just keep leaving. is it my fault? did i do something wrong?" lydia's breathing quickened every so slightly and steve could tell that she was one thought away from having a panic attack, and a bad one. without any time to think about how to calm her down, words tumbled from his mouth seemingly having a mind and agenda of its own. 

"hey, hey, hey, no. no you are not responsible for any of those people. they did what they did because they are assholes. it is not your fault. you are not the cause of their actions."

but despite steve's words, everything still hurt. it was as if someone had taken lydia's heart in their hand and squeezed it until it burst in her chest. like someone had stolen all the air from her lungs. she tried to keep it straight in her head that it wasn't her fault. what happened was not her burden to bear. so why did it feel like it was? why did two of her favorite people in the whole world betray her like this? 

"then why'd they leave me?" steve's mouth opened and shut like a fish out of water but the boy simply could not think of anything. there was no answer that he could muster up, no comforting words that came to mind. he didn't know why they left her or why they decided to be such vile human beings and hurt such a beautiful, precious, angel. why they decided to hurt his girl. 

tears began to well up in her eyes again and steve was unsure of how to help her so he did the only thing he could think of to calm her down and distract her. he kissed her. 

a/n: um short chapter but wack chapter. i am still updating this story, just at an EXTREMELY slow pace. like tectonic plate moving slow. but yeah i'm still here. still doin stuff. hopefully i get the drive to finish another chapter soon.