Second Chance Mates

-33- 🌹 It Gets Dark

"The smile that you gave me even when you felt like dying. We fall apart as it gets dark, I'm in your arms in Central Park. There's nothing you could do or say, I can't escape the way I love you."
~Billie Eilish, 'i love you'

~~~

*Ryland's POV*

Standing in the middle of the living room, I feel as if someone sucker punched me in the gut, leaving me winded.

'I cant.'

Two words to knock down my three-worded confession.

A dull ache fills my chest, and I rub my hand over my heart in an attempt to make it cease. Is there anything more painful? Taking a risk by putting yourself out there, only to be immediately shut down and rejected.

I gasp, feeling my eyes burning. He didn't... reject me, right? No, no he would've have. Landon promised he wouldn't reject me. He just needs more time, and I scared him by telling him I love him.

Although... was it really that much of a surprise to him? With the amount of time we've spent together, deepening our relationship as mates, it would've been more surprising if I wasn't in love with him. If... if Landon wasn't in love with me.

My heart sinks as I slowly lower myself to the floor. Of course he doesn't love me. I think, maybe, he wants to love me... but is he even capable of that?

When Roman rejected me, it hurt like a bitch. But we barely knew each other, so I had no other attachment to him other than the knowledge that we were mates. We weren't in love.

Easton, on the other hand, was with Landon for two years. Actually, four. Landon told me they dated for two years before he turned 18, when they finally mated. That being said, they were marked mates for two years before Easton took his own life. No one knew what was going on inside Easton's mind to make him do such a thing, but it's clear to me that Landon still blames himself. Even worse, Easton's family blames Landon for something that wasn't his fault! Constantly piling on guilt for five years, damaging Landon mentally and emotionally even more than he already was, after suffering the pain of losing his mate. A pain so great that it likely would've killed him if his bond hadn't been tethered to mine.

This was my fault. I should't have said anything. Maybe once he comes back, I can tell him I didn't mean it, and he won't be scared anymore. That should making everything okay again, right?

...If he comes back.

My stomach twists and I cover my face to keep the tears from falling. Deciding that a hot shower would help, I stand and run upstairs to the bathroom.

He'll be back.
He didn't leave me.
It'll be okay.

I whisper those words to myself as I shower, attempting to keep myself from stumbling down a dark pit of depression. A giggle abruptly bubbles up in my throat, until I'm laughing like a maniac under the hot spray of the shower. It's pretty funny, isn't it? The first time I tell someone I love them, and they run away. Almost as if I'm destined to be rejected.

That word flashes through my mind again, and my laughing ceases as my eyes begin to burn again. Quickly shutting off the water, I wrap a towel around my waist and step out onto the small rug. Taking a deep breath, I stand in front of the mirror bathroom mirror, slowly raising my eyes to my reflection.

Dark gold swirls with red, battling against one another for dominance over my battered soul. My fingers absentmindedly trace along the lining of my collar, despair settling heavily in my gut as I come to accept my fate.