Palette

P u p p e t

. . .

What if i just gave up?
What if i just give in?
What if i just got braces to straighten my crooked teeth?
What if i got surgery to remove all the hair from all 'unwanted' places from my body?
What if i changed the shape of my jawline to something more flattering?

to something more suitable for someone like me

What if i gave it to them?
What if i gave me to them?
my integrity
my individuality
my rights
my life

What if i gave it all away-- when fighting for it seems to suck the life out of me everyday?

What if i just gave them what they wanted?
What if i became a puppet?
And keep doing those things that they made me-- would i feel any less haunted?

What if i just gave up?

Would I finally be happy?

. . .
Year

This is something that's been on my mind for years and i'd personally like to give myself a pat on the back for realizing and recognizing all that was wrong happening around me, to me sometimes by the people who I've considered family for whatever little time I've existing in this society.

After staying mad at the people around me who told me to change myself so that I'd be accepted by this society-- i'd actually come to pity them.

They probably were in my shoes a long time ago, when the people they trusted told them that they had to be a certain way, eat a certain way, dress a certain way, talk a certain way, behave a certain way - so that they'd be accepted and not looked down upon by people all around them.

They were probably really sad when they were in my shoes too. They probably felt betrayed too.

Maybe they fought back, maybe they didn't. Maybe, after all the efforts they made to change people around them-- to make them realize how wrong they were ... they gave up, cuz they'd gotten so tired . Maybe they thought it was better to give up. Easier that way. They're only human anyway. I understood that.

So yes i pitied them, for they were raised that way. They didn't even have the internet to connect to the thousands and thousands of people to felt the same way.

But we do. So i hope we don't have to settle in that box they created for us, too.

It's still a long journey and i've only just started walking it-- but inspite of many moments of weaknesses, I'm proud of how far I've come on this road of accepting who i am, just as i am and treasuring myself for being myself, while working on improving myself at things that really matter to me.

And this poem serves as a hand reaching out to you, so hold my hand when you feel like you're alone, when you're scared; We'll talk that road together.