The Babysitter (BWWM)

xiii

Cami skipped in front of us, running through the gates of the park. Her small legs worked their way all the way to the monkey bars and she pulled herself up.

I parked her stroller right next to the bench Lorenzo and I sat on. Watching his daughter, he wrapped his arm around me. I scooted closer and laid my head on his shoulder.

Purely content, I listened to the surrounding sounds. The music of the Mister Softie truck rolling by the corner. The screams of kids running around on the playground. The hum of nearby cars and the call of birds in nearby trees.

We watched her play with a little Asian girl around her age. By now, they were probably 'best friends'. Until they ultimately forget about each other in the next four hours.

Lorenzo rubbed his thumb in circles on my stomach under my shirt. It clenched a bit, but this time, I wasn't all that uncomfortable.

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" My eyes quickly met his. "What?" I asked.

"You heard me." I licked my lips as my heart rate sped up. My head went back on his shoulder.

"No. I don't."

"Why not?" I swallowed. Hard.

"I don't like to believe in love." His thumb stopped.

"What do you mean you don't believe in love." I exhaled, bringing my right knee up to my chest, hugging it. "Love, in my experience, always ends in disappointment. No matter how much I try, it just doesn't end up being enough." My voice wavered against my will.

"You don't have any experience. How do you not believe in love? You're in a relationship."

"I know. I just-" He unwrapped his arm from around me.

"Where do you think this is going?"

"I- I don't really know. I wasn't thinking about it."

"You weren't 'thinking about it'? Then what in the hell were you thinking about?" His voice rose.

"I was thinking about the present. What's happening now." The cracks in my voice just kept going. My throat closed up the slightest bit.

"Where do you want this to go? Two people in a relationship are bound to fall in love. That's sort of the next step."

"I don't know. Wherever it goes is where it's going."

"How do you know it's going anywhere? Obviously it can't go anywhere if we're stuck in the same place." My mouth was open, but words refused to form in my head. "Maybe this shouldn't go anywhere."

Lorenzo's face was still serious. His hazel eyes are so cold, it made a shiver spider up my spine. I huffed.

"Maybe you're right." Being defensive right now shouldn't be the way it's going, but at this point my ego is the only thing keeping me from crying. And crying is not what I need.

"Camila!" I think his voice came out louder than he expected, because it booked through the park. She warily walked towards him. "It's time to go." Her face dropped.

"But daddy-"

"Now!" He took her hand and started walking. I stood up and caught up to them, the stroller in hand.

"Don't take your anger out on her. She didn't do anything to you." I growled. He continued walking. "So you know nothing about being in love but you know everything about raising a child? Nice."

I rolled my eyes.

"Please. What do you want from me?" He stopped in his tracks and so did Cami. Lorenzo looked back at me. "Love. The love that you can't give me."

I involuntarily gasped. That one...that one hurt. My stomach churned as he walked away.

He's right.

I gulped and stormed off behind them.

Arriving back at the house, I immediately grabbed my keys from the table right next to the front door.

"Where are you going?" He set Cami down on the couch to watch Peppa Pig. I raised my eyebrows at him and answered. "I'm going home."

"So that's it?" I asked, my mouth suddenly dry. He nodded and shrugged. "That's it."

I licked my lips to stop from quivering. "Today, I'm actually supposed to be off. But I was here. Giving my time to the two of you. Because I wanted to be here." I brushed past him and made my way to the couch.

Cupping Camila's head, I kissed it. I looked down at her. Her little smile made my heart warm. "I love you. Okay, Cami."

And it was true. I love her like my own kid. Motherly love is an entirely different feeling. But Lorenzo...something about truly loving him scares me.

The fact that he could have my heart in his hands terrifies me. He could squeeze, and squeeze, and squeeze until it pops. Then I can't do anything about it. I refuse to be the broken-hearted girl.

"Don't forget about my check." I walked back to the door and left without looking back.

Slamming the door shut, I went straight to my room. Plopping down on my bed faced down, I groaned.

A knock on my door made me jump.

"Why are you home so early?" I turned my head to Nate. "Hard day at work."

His eyes looked dead into mine. Through mine.

"Tell me what happened, Bambi." My eyes welled up with tears, stomach sinking. I got up and walked right into his arms. He held the back of my head.

"I messed up really bad." I blubbered.

***