This is our someday

Can't be true

Emptiness, that is all that Clarke felt she had watched her own mother die the same exact way her father did. Apart of her knew that her mother was already dead but she still felt guilty, she just wished she would have been able to say goodbye but in the end there is no happy ending right?

They finally came to a stop Murphy, Raven, Jackson, Miller, and Madi had finally reached the steps of sanctum, ready to face the destruction they have yet again created. She use to think that fighting is what they did but now in the end she is starting to think that fighting is what they are. She had finally lost everything, and yes she had Madi but after Lexa's death she had been going down a very dark hill. Everyone she has ever loved has died right in the front of her or because of her and she could do nothing about it. Clarke has tears welding up in her eyes thinking back to her memory's.
Flashback
Earth, it was beautiful it was amazing there where people grounders that her people where getting along with and she was happy in polis certainly sitting across from Lexa while she was sleeping, Clarke was surprised that Lexa was letting her Guard down so easily with her but she knew why Lexa had told her about her felling's for Clarke a while ago and Clarke couldn't deny it she didn't just have a physical attraction to Lexa although they way Lexa's eyes skipped down to her lips every time they where close to each other and the way she trained with the nightbloods in only a sports bra and skinny jeans with her sweat sliding down her toaned abs definitely turned her on a lot there was just something comforting about being in her presence like with her Clarke knew that nothing bad could happen...
End of flashback

Damn it, Lexa why wasn't she over her. Don't  get her wrong she loved Lexa and forever will she will forever be the one love that she would never forget but why couldn't she think about her without crying. Oh probably because she was her warmth or the only part of her heart that kept her alive.

"Clarke come on we have to go see Bellamy, he's waiting for us." Raven said with a small smile placing her hand on her friends back.

"Yea ok" Clarke didn't even wait for Raven to respond before walking away, she needed to be left alone with her thoughts she needed to cry and grieve. As they walked Clarke didn't even look up she just starred at the ground in the front of her until she saw Bellamy's boots, she finally looked up and he had a sad smile on his face.

"Hey, I heard about Abbey... Clarke I'm so sorry" he tried to say but Clarke had heard it enough with her father and Lexa, she just nodded finally looking him in the eyes

"I think I just need some alone time okay I'll be  back in a few keep an eye on Madi" Again Clarke didn't wait for a response and started walking away but she felt a grip on her arm and turned back to Bellamy.

"Clarke can you just stop and listen to me for a minute it's important" Oh there it is again something to do with her people.

"Bellamy please okay I just—I" She couldn't finish her sentence she started to feel little droplets if water run down her face.

"Please just let me be ok I..i lost my mother today and tomorrow will be 4 years sense Lexa's death ok... I just can't be here I though that I could but I could-I" she started crying now, Bellamy started rubbing up and down her arms.

"You couldn't what Clarke?" Clarke looked up and into his eyes. " I couldn't save her Bell okay I couldn't—i coul—dnt" she hugged him and rested her head on his chest. "Clarke it isn't your fault that Abby died sh-."Clarke cut him off yes she felt guilty for her mom's death but that's not what she was talking about she had held so much grief about Lexa's death she just couldn't take it anymore so she let it out. " No Bellamy that's not what I'm talking about.... I'm talking about Lexa I just she was right in the front of me dying in my arms and I couldn't save her I just she died a slow and such a painful death I just—I" She tried to explain more but she couldn't, Bellamy pulled back and had a different kind of smile on his face it was more of a I'm gonna surprise you with something and your gonna love me forever smile. " Actually that's what I'm trying to talk to you about Clarke..... she's" he started to look away not making any eye contact with Clarke.

"Bellamy she what" Clarke asked getting out of Bellamy's grasp what the hell is he talking about she thought.

She saw him look over and pause with another smile on his face, he looked back to her and finally spoke.

"Look for yourself." He nodded in the direction to Clarke's right.

Clarke snapped her head so quickly she thought she heard it crack, less that 65 feet away was someone she knew she took 3 steps to see if she could see better and she could, no it couldn't be but how could she ever forget those dark brown wavy locks and inseparable green eyes, and before she could even process who it looked like a name came flying out of her mouth with a sigh of relief......

"Lexa?"