Disturbed Serenity

19 - Despicable setting

First Person Point Of View.

Ang sakit ng mata ko ramdam na ramdam ko lalo na ngayong nagising ako. I slept shorter than the other days. I stare at the cabinets, and memories start coming to my mind. I remember each one of them. 

The memories I recalled felt like knives that's piercing right through me. Though it doesn't kill me, and that's what torturing about it.

My heart feels heavy, and I think every triggering thing that can remind me of him will burst me into tears. Finally, I decided to tell him that we will not be okay by being together. The pain is scrutinizing from my heart. If pain is a tangible thing, then I'll actually remove it on my own.

His presence screams anywhere in this town. In fact, every stepping way I have gone through was with him. It sucks that he did not only invade my whole system, but the entirety of this place. I don't have my own place without him being in it. He was everywhere more than I could ever thought.

Yes, I am crazy. I pushed him, but am I not allowed to miss him?

I just want him safe, even if it takes for us to part ways. I can do that. I just know when you love, you don't want your person to get hurt because of you. I do admit now that I love him. He was the first reason of my growing hopes. He was the best thing that happened in my life.

Hindi ko nga masabi na sana hindi nalang nangyari lahat ng ito, dahil hindi ko alam kung makikilala ko pa ba si Hugo kung walang ganitong pangyayari.

Parang manhid ang buong katawan ko sa galaw na gagawin. Parang ubos ako ngayong umaga pa lang.

Naabutan ko pang nag-hahanda si Nana, at Tata paalis kasama si Riley.

"Oh, Anak! Ang aga mo ngayon...Magpahinga ka pa. Tapos may umagahan na d'yan, kumain ka na rin."

Tinignan ko ang paligid, there are no signs of him. Mabuti nalang at hindi ako sinuri nang husto ni Nana. Pilit akong ngumiti, "Maaga po ako nagising, Nana. Mag-lilinis nalang po muna ako ng Kubo, 'tsaka susunod na sa Palengke mamaya."

Humalik ako sakanilang tatlo.

"Si Ate! Ayaw ko ngang hinahalikan ako! Yak!"

If this is a normal day, I would laugh. But, I did not reacted to it. 

"Tsk. Ikaw, 'wag kang magtataas ng boses sa ate mo." Suway ni Tata.

Nagkibit balikat ito, at lumabas na ng kubo. "Mauuna na kami, anak. Ingat ka papuntang Palengke."

I saw Tata looked at me, and he sighed. I don't know if he knows. Wala rin naman akong lakas magpaliwanag. I guess, this is a power. I thought I would cry, but I was able to hold it up this far.

Hinanda ko na ang gagamitin ko sa pag-lilinis...pero gusto kong umupo. Broken hearted feels like I am useless. Parang sana nakahiga nalang ako buong araw.

Ang nagtataka pa ako, hindi ko alam kung nakapagpaalam siya sa pamilya ko dahil ang turing nila sa akin parang normal lang...Except for Tata. Siguro, nagaalala talaga siya nang sobra sa akin.

Sa sobrang wala ako sa sarili I finished everything I need to do, at nakarating ako sa tindahan nang matiwasay.

"Tulala ang tindera! Wala na si Boylet?" Nagpapaypay si Kikay ng mga paninda niya. Dinalahan kasi ni Nana si Tata ng tanghalian kaya ako ang naiwan sa pwesto.

"Umuwi na sakanila...nagbakasyon  lang kasi iyon."

I tried to remove my gaze from kikay's eyes, and hold on to things in front of me so I will be distracted.

"Sayang! Nakausap ko pa siya nung isang araw dahil sa pagligtas niya sa mga bata doon sa peryahan!"

I sighed. Wala ako sa sarili. Hindi ko alam kung magpapasalamat ba ako na walang bumibili dahil hindi ko kailangan mag-salita, at umasikaso. I would realy appreciate if Kikay is nowhere around me because this is tormenting me.