𝑬𝑰𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑯 𝑰𝑴𝑨𝑮𝑰𝑵𝑬𝑺

• Razor blades •

⚠️ Talks about self harm etc ⚠️

⚠️ read at your own risk ⚠️

Billies POV

Once again feeling the need to cut again I go to the bathroom to find the blades.

The door was slightly cracked open.

WTF i though I was home alone.

I look in the bathroom to find finneas holding multiple razors in his hand.

I push open the bathroom door and he stares me down.

"What the fuck are these Billie"

"There old ones I promised you I don't do it anymore"

"Lift up your sleeves"

"Finneas you really don't trust me"

"No I don't because these weren't here yesterday"

I drop my head down and roll up my sleeves.

"See nothing, just throw them away"

I knew he didn't believe me but he threw them away and walked out.

I walked back to my room and opened a new pack of razors and hid them so no one could find them.

I lock my door and pull my pants down.

I sit down and dig the blade into my thighs.

Hearing finneas's door open I freeze hoping he wouldn't come in my room.

I hear his door close again and I continue cutting.

After 6 cuts I cleaned the blood off and hid the razor.

I put sweat pants on and walked out of my bedroom like everything was normal.

I sat on the couch and watched tv while feeling someone stare at me.

I look over to see finneas standing there looking at me.

"Bro what"

"Billie I'm not an idiot" he said while holding up the razors I just used"

"How the fuck did you find them"

"Don't change the subject....Billie why are you doing this your promised"

"Yeah I know"

Finneas walked over to me and sat down next to me.

Feeling tears in my eyes I tried to not look at him knowing I would fall apart more then I have.

He wraps his arms around me and lays his head on my shoulder.

I Immediately break down.

Screaming cries fill the room.

"I- can't- do it"

"Yes you can, you can, I know you can, god please don't say that" finneas said while his voice breaks.

" it hurts so ba-bad"

"I know it's does but your so strong give yourself time, be patience with yourself"

"I can't, I can't live like this anymore the pain is unbearable"

Finneas kissed my head and hugged me tighter.

"I love you, I will do whatever it takes to help you get through this, you can't leave me"

"I don't want to but-

"It hurts....I know"

Felling like I can't breathe I start hyperventilating.

"Billie look at me, match my breathing pattern"

I look into finneas eyes and see how red they are which made everything worse.

I'm putting him through this pain.

I break down again and drop my head into my hands.

Finneas helps me off the couch and we walk outside.

As soon as the air hit my face I felt like every bad thing left my body, I felt like I could breathe again.

We both laid outside on the grass feeling the wind drying our tears.

I grabbed finneas's hand and squeezed.

"I won't leave you"

"I know it hurts billie-

"I promise"

I turned my head and looked at him.

"Thank you for being the best big brother I could ever ask for"

"I just wanna keep you safe, I don't care what I have to go through to do that"

We both sit up and I pull him into me.

"I love you"

"I love you so much"

It all went silent till I spoke up.

"Do you think I'll ever be okay"

"Yes, your the strongest person I know billie...honestly if anyone can do it you can"

"I hope your right"

-

Word count 641

Ily 🦋