You promised the World

Chapter 32: Falling in Reverse

  Growing up I never really felt unconditionally loved, not by my parents at least. If it wasn't for Jasmine and her family I would have been a completely different person and that scared me. I wouldn't want to be anyone else no matter how many times Ive wished things to be different. I still wanted this life, I craved it. All the lows, all the secrets its all worth feeling it in order to feel the happy moments I've been blessed to have. 

   The truth is all these weeks I had been searching for answers I didn't need, answers I knew would only upset me and Henry was there every step. I knew he thought I was crazy, obsessed but he let me work in my own storms and now I had to find him. My mind wouldn't rest if I didn't, I wouldnt forgive myself if I didnt fight the waters.

   Unlike some people I had friends who loved me just as much as I loved them, I have Henry who would go into a storm to find me. If that didnt speak to how special he was then I didnt know what would. Henry though he didn't talk much about his adoptive parents, is technically a prince. Never would I have thought a prince would even be in this little old town let alone chose me.

   I searched the edge of the island as the small boat rowed close to shore but it was hard to see with water and wind lashing at my face. "We'll find him," they kept saying though I wasn't sure if they were trying to convince me or themselves.

   After we were half way around the island we found a kayake thrashing against a rock close to shore, it was Henry's I reached in and grabbed his scorpion necklace he always wore around his neck. The men decided to finish the circle around the island and if they didnt find anything they'd go one shore. I drowned out their voices and spaced out clinging to Henrys necklace trying not to let my mind wonder too far.

   "Over there!"I called out as I saw a shadow emerge from the woods and onto the shore, they didnt stop so in a hurry I dove into the ice cold water ignoring their screams, I swam. I swam faster and faster as I heard my name being called out, all I could see was a shadow running into the water but I knew it was him. 

   The sweater and shorts my mother put me in were now drenched but I somehow stopped shivering as I threw my arms around Henry's neck. He scooped me out of the water and didn't hesitate to kiss me. His lips tasted like sand but I didn't care I needed all of him, my tears mixed in with the rain, I realized he was crying too. "I thought I lost you," I sniffled as he set me down out of the water wrapping me in his dry blanket. 

   "I promised you I was here to stay, didnt I?" His lips covered mine again and we couldn't stop kissing it was like the first and last kiss all in one consuming me whole. He held me tight like he couldn't believe I was really there, he trailed kisses down my neck and then back to my lips a curved smile on his freckled face. 

   The only reason we stopped was because the crew men who hustled us back into the boat, I didnt care where I was. I didnt care that I was freezing because Henry was here and as he looked into my eyes giving me a snarky smile I couldn't help but glow right there. 

   Before Henry I was lost and angry at the world, after Henry I was even more lost and angry at myself and well now... Now I am free.

 Turns out both boys dont know how to properly tie a kayak. Once Henry and I got back onto land we were taken to the hospital where my mom waited for us. When we got there Henry and I were separated And we were too tired to object. 

   I woke the next morning in the same recovery room as Lucas who was talking to Clara, I pretended to still be asleep. "When I come back I want to be a man worthy of her," I heard him tell Clara. 

   "Yes, but for now you have bigger things to focus on... like collage and staying afloat. Remember what I told you, no relationships the first year. You could spiral out of control and that would only end up hurting her again," he wanted to change for me. That was the problem, that has always been the problem with Lucas. He wanted so bad for everyone else to deem him worthy when he needed to realize he was born worthy. No disease will hold that back and I wished I could tell him, I wished I could offer him my love but this was a journey he needed to travel alone. 

    "What if she's not here when I come back?  What if all this is for nothing?" My heart broke, no matter how much I tried to convince myself I didn't love that boy, I did. I wanted him happy, I wanted to be happy with him but what Clara said was right he needed to ride solo. 

   "If you two have something as special as you say... she'll alway be yours Luc. Both of you are also young and still are growing and learning every day theres a whole future ahead of you. Maybe you fit into her life eventually."

   She wasn't wrong, my heart was always his and it scared the shit out of me. "Henry could give her a life I couldn't."

   "Maybe... but you couldn't possibly know what kind of life she wants," I didnt even know. "She's finding herself too and if it's with Henry you need to let her explore that if you ever want to have her heart entirely. Trust me moving on when you still have someone in your heart is impossible and it seems to me she really cares for this boy."

   "I hate it," I could hear the pain in his voice. "I hate him and I wish... I wish I could hate her but I love her. I always have and I dont know why it took so long for me to tell her."

   "Then hold onto that," Clara said softly. I will. Even though she wasn't talking to me, I held on. I held onto every memory and stored it away for a rainy day, I love you Lucas. This is goodbye, at least for now.

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   The last two days I was stuck in the hospital my mother hadn't left in fact my father showed up as well with his fiancé. Normally my mom and I didn't have serious conversations because neither of us really knew anything about each other. All we were good at was arguing and throwing cheap shots at each other, not that I didn't find it fun occasionally...

    "I wanted to be a good mother to you," she said slowly sitting on the edge of the bed unable to look up at me. "But I guess looking back I could have done some things different..."

   "We dont have to talk about this-" I did not want to talk about this.

   "We do," she gave me a persistent look and then continued, "I dont think I was ever meant to be a mother and before I go on I want you to know its not because of you. I didn't have the love you needed or the time you required," she shook her head. "The older you got the harder things were I saw so much of me in you. I knew if I wasn't more strict you'd loss your footing just like me but after time I guess I've come to realize you are actually nothing like me. You will never be anything like me," she almost sounded sad. "Theres so much you dont know-"

   I froze knowing exactly where this might go, "I dont want to know," I said abruptly. "If its going to ruin things, I dont want to know."

   She looked at me for a second, "You've been asking around I thought I'd-"

   "I know and it was a mistake," I swallowed hard. "Turns out I like my life exactly how it is," I choked back the tears because I knew it hurt her to hear it. 

   Changing the subject she smiled slightly and said, "I like that Henry boy..."

   "But?" I knew there was one.

   "But you are in love with Lucas, you can tell me you aren't but you look at him the way your father used to look at jasmine. Sometimes if you pay attention enough he still does," there was a twinge of pain in her voice. She had her own demons, how do you not go insane when the man you loved will always be with another? I know my dad loved my mom but it wasn't enough, she didnt give him enough. "Dont make the mistake your father made and let him go you'll only end up hurting everyone along the way,"she then stood up and grabbed her heavy purse. Even sad she looked beautiful, every bit as strong as she looked. "Dont make my mistakes either kid, find love and fight for it but not too hard," she gave me a little wink and walked out no kiss or hug. 

   Some things never change.