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So I bought this book today. It has a blue daisy on the front otherwise its pretty plain. I decided to write down my memories in this because one day I won't be alive anymore and who knows? Maybe I'll lose it and some stranger finds it or I'll simply just throw it in the river next to my house. Whatever happens I hope someone will find it and read it. Simply because I want to see if its possible to fall in love with someone just through reading whats on their mind or what has happened in their past or present life. My life isn't that interesting so they'll probably get really bored but I mean I'm only 18 so I still have my whole life infront of me.

I leave for college tomorrow, fucking college. I still remember my first day of high school, it wasn't horrible I mean I wish i knew someone but it's okay,I had my books and poems. I was short, I had glasses and braces. My hair was short and curly I hated it but Thank God for puberty. I was known as "The Nerd" I mean it was partly true, I loved to study but I think it was mostly because of how I looked not what I did. Everyday of my first year in high school I was a loner, after school I went straight to the school library to either read or study (mostly reading). The only person I talked to expect Ms Jackson, (she was our school librarian by the way) was this brown haired girl. Her name was Camila and she was the only one that didn't judge me for my glasses or my braces in that matter. She had hazel brown eyes and had this glow around her, I couldn't really put my finger on it but all I know is that she made me happy. Very happy to be exact. We had so much fun talking about books and poems, she was just like me but there was one thing that was different with her. She was beautiful. I wasn't. Yes I know I was pretty young at the time but I didn't care i thought that she was the most beautiful girl I've ever laid my eyes on. I didn't know whether she was my friend or not so I never hugged her back when she did or when she complimented me i just smiled.

Sophomore year was okay, me and Camila usually hung out in the library but one day she just stopped coming to school. She disappeared in to thin air and that was the worst day of my life. But I decided to move on and grow some balls (btw that's impossible). I got contact lenses and had my braces taken off early, my hair was just past by boobs. It wasn't curly anymore it was more straight and looked pretty healthy. I started wearing clothes that were more grungeish but I had days were I dressed proper and nice. My music taste is pretty mixed, for example I love The Arctic Monkeys, Lana Del Rey music like that. But I also loved classic music it was a secret pleasure of mine. I changed a lot when she left, both in a good way and a bad way. I started drinking and smoking doing stuff that I shouldn't be doing. I was a good student, my grades were really good but I never showed off. Like I never showed people how smart I actually was, I pretended to be stupid sometimes to get guys. I mean it worked but the problem is that I don't really fancy guys haha. I'm more in to girls but I didn't come out until Junior year. I loved the attention I got from the guys how they called m hot, it made me feel good about myself. Of course I never forgot about the smaller framed girl that I met she was always on my mind for some weird reason, her hazel brown eyes. One thing that hurts me about her being gone is that she never told me why she left, she haven't spoken to me in 2 years now and it sucks because I miss her I really do. I would tell you more about my sophomore year but the thing is I don't really remember most of it, the only thing I can remember clearly is seeing the tests I had to do. The paper with a bunch of questions on it that I had to be answered but I had a lot of them myself.

Junior Year. Wow I think that was my favorite year actually, our exams were in the beginning of the year so when I finished all of those I just went out and partied every day. It made me relax for a second and trust me I needed to relax. I was so obsessed with doing good in school that I forgot about my friends and family. My best friend Alexa threw this party just so I could let lose and relax which sounded like a perfect Idea but when I got there I met someone that I didn't expect to see. There she was dancing in the middle of the living room crowded with people but to me she still looked beautiful. She turned around and met my gaze, and in that moment everything just stopped. The amount of joy and pain that was flowing through my veins was crazy, I felt her arms wrapped around my neck and her warm breath. I remember that she said " I missed you Lauren" but I didn't say it back. Yes it was the biggest mistake of my life but I was just so mad at her, all the questions I wanted to ask her started to pile up on the tip of my tongue. I was tongue tied, I didn't know what to say. She pulled me in to the kitchen and looked straight in to my eyes. I remember her exact words

"I'm sorry that I disappeared from your life and I'm sorry that I never told you why, I'm sorry for not even writing a single letter to tell you that I'm okay and asking how you were doing.. Something happened in my life that will stick with me forever. So I'm sorry that for leaving you completely lonely for what? 3 years now. I love you Lauren more than you can even imagine. Please forgive me I don't want to lose you again" I remember being completely speechless, I felt my eyes tearing up and all I said was

"Camz you left me all alone in that hell hole.. and I hated you for it. But I came to the conclusion that I didn't need you in my life to survive. My grades are really good, I have friends that love me but I'm not gonna lie to your face. I did miss you like crazy but how am I going to let you back in to my life if I don't know for sure if this is permanent. Are you going to be in my life now? I can't help but feel a little bit used her Camila. You were my first friend that I could truly be honest with, I told you my favorite poems and what they meant to me. I never told anyone else about that, except you. You vanished in to thin air for god sake, I'm not going to stand her spilling my guts out to you about how I felt when you left me. The only thing I want to say to you is Yes I love you too but can I trust you? Please tell me one reason why I should trust you camz one reason..

Camila never cried in front of me but the look in her eyes when I said that. She was hurt and so was I. The tears started to roll down her red cheeks and I just caressed her cheeks gently. I looked in to her eyes and said "I'm sorry okay? I love you so much and i forgive you but you better not leave me again" The biggest smile ever creeped on her face and that's when I realized that i was in love with this girl. "Don't worry Jauregui you're stuck with me no matter what, you have me wrapped around you little pinky just like a koala bear"

So hopefully when I arrive at the campus tomorrow she will be there waiting for me. Fun fact I haven't seen her since the last day of junior year but that's okay she probably has a very good reason why. On the other hand I got to spend a lot of time with my family this summer. Taylor just turned 14 and Chris well he just plays basketball most of the time so there's nothing really interesting about that. My mom and dad just got home two weeks ago from their vacation, they went to cuba which is pretty cool. Anyways its getting pretty late and i have to wake up early tomorrow. Goodnight - L