Imperfect

The First Fight

"What the hell?" I asked. My voice was shaking and I was glaring at Fin. I turned towards the door. I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. The crushing sensation I felt from those few words was unreal, they were wrapping around my body, suffocating me like a snake with its prey. I felt a hand around my wrist and I spun around.

"You're not ready for my world Claire. It would hurt you. The last thing I want is my life hurting you." I scoffed and pulled my wrist out of his grip. Who was he to tell me how I would handle being in his life? He clearly didn't know me as well as he thought he did.

"Well, screw you too Fin! My world clearly isn't right for you either!" I said aggressively. I grabbed the door handle to open it, but Finley slammed his hand against it to keep it shut, and leaned on it. He was a lot stronger than me so it wouldn't budge, despite my best efforts.

"Claire, that came out wrong. It's not what I meant!" Finley said frantically. He tried to hug me, but I pushed him away gently. I didn't want to hurt him, but I didn't want him to touch me at the moment.

"Oh no, I understand exactly what you meant Fin. I'm not good enough for your lifestyle or your friends. I get it. I just wish you had told me sooner so I hadn't fallen so hard for you." Tears were filling up my eyes and streaming down my face, much faster than I could wipe them away. I gave up and let them continue flowing, like rivers trickling down, and carving paths of sadness and hurt, through my make up.

"No! Claire please! Just listen to me. I'm tired and it came out wrong. I promise if you give me five minutes I can explain." He begged. I looked down at the floor and closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears from escaping. All the blood in my body felt like it had rushed to my head and I felt dizzy. I took a deep breath and tried to think for a few seconds. Against my better judgement I decided I would hear him out.

"You have five minutes." I said coldly. I sat down at my desk and put my head in my hands. I couldn't bring myself to look at Fin. The pain in my chest had transformed into dull ache and I thought I was going to throw up.

"What I meant was," I heard him sigh and he stopped. I guessed he was trying to think about what he was going to say this time around. " I don't want you being caught up in the public eye. I live in a place where the press and my fans are constantly around. The reason I've been so busy is because I'm looking for a new place. For a fresh start." I lifted my head out of my hands and turned to face him.

"Well good for you Fin! I'm glad you can just pick up and move wherever you want, whenever you want! It must be nice living the bachelor lifestyle, knowing that your stupid gullible girlfriend will just let you come and go and you please." I said exasperated.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He said for the second time that day. "Are you trying to say I dip in and out of your life?" He asked.

" Well I'm not saying you're always here for me am I?" I said sarcastically. "I deal with a lot of things outside of this relationship too Fin. The real world isn't easy either."

"You know what Claire? I'm over this. All I do is work and run around after you. I barely see my family, and I can't tell you the last time I had a night out with my friends. Hell, I'm not even sure I have any friends left at this point because all I do is fly back and forth from the USA and freaking England!" He said angrily. I realised I had crossed a line. Lashing out at Fin wasn't going to help the situation. I looked down and put my head back in my hands.

After a few minutes of silence, bar the odd sniffles from me and the yawning sounds coming from Fin occasionally, I finally felt calm enough to speak.

"I'm sorry Fin, I shouldn't have said that. It was bang out of order, and I didn't mean it. You're right. You give up so much of your time for me and I'm grateful. I'm just hurt, but that doesn't give me the right to say hurtful things to you. So I'm sorry." I looked at him and he was staring down at his hands. He glanced up, but then looked back down. Things fell silent again for a few seconds and I thought he was going to get angry again.