𝐚𝐤𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐚 | 𝟏𝟖+

TWO

aspectabund

(n.) being able to let expressive emotion show easily through ones face or eyes

All rights reserved.

**
adriana - 17

That wasn't my supposed reality.

No.

Mine went more like this.

I stood at the door, heart clenching. Fists clenched. Knuckles white. Jaw clenched. Posture upright. Molars seemingly grinding on its own accord. A vein protruding in the centre of my forehead. Nostrils flared.

But i wasn't angry with him.

I was angry with myself.

What possessed me to think he'd wait for me?

I was a virgin. 17 years old, i was a virgin. I wasn't up to giving my virginity to just any man. I was so certain that he'd take my virginity and i'll allow him.

Maybe not now. But i would've done the deed soon. And would've most certainly been with him.

I was stupid to think he'd wait. A 24 year old male. Horny male may i add - would wait for a 17 year old little girl when he could get any model in the world. He found one anyways.

Why? Why was i so stupid?

I waited for eyes to turn my way, to could feel the scorching stare indent into my head.

But no.

No eyes looked over at me.

Rather, the distraught women glanced over at me in distaste whilst i stood there watching the scene unfold against me. To think i called her beautiful would be stupid to say right about now.

He didn't look my way.

I waited.

10 seconds.
20 seconds.
30 seconds

And then soon enough i feel his beady eyes burn into my face.

I look over at him.

I was expecting the usual feelings to be expressed through maybe, a furrow of the eyebrows or the pitiful look in his eyes.

I searched and searched for any sign of, guilt, sorrow or regret.

No.

Rather i receive a loathing glare full of repugnance and disgust. He looks me over, his lips curling in hatred and dissatisfaction; before he turns back to the oblivious women in his lap and pecks her lips trailing them down to the frilled top part of her dress.

Confusion settling itself in my head.
My eyebrows quirk in response, but just as quick settle into straight lines on my face. My eyes flutter shut as i try control the ragged short breaths escaping my mouth.

Then i hear it.

His words indenting into my heart.

A part of myself being tortured repeatedly.

It was as if i was being stabbed repeatedly.

The words echo in my head.

On loop.

Again.

Again.

And again.

"I have needs, you just weren't able to fulfil them."

I - i try rephrase it in my head to make it sound better.
To help me feel better. To make it sound that he was the man-whore and he couldn't control himself. He was the player. He was the one who had no self control. So that's why he went somewhere else.

But then, the tears come. I tried to convince myself that it was all his fault. But how could it be? I was the virgin who thought he'd wait? But i didn't cheat?

The battling thoughts in my head fight against each other, each and every one having valid points but immediately counteract and make me reevaluate the situation again.

The tears brim at the waterline of my eyes. No. I didn't allow myself to let him see his wrongdoing on me. To let him see his actions rip me apart. Break me. More than i already was.

I wouldn't let it.

I wanted to speak.

But i was afraid my voice would break. Break apart more than i already was. So i stayed quiet. Whilst the salty tears filled my eyes i turned around before he looked up at me again and stepped out the room.

Turning into another corner i rest my body against the wall and that's when i felt it.

The simple tear of despondency cascading down my face melting away the strong-willed facade with it, as it slithered down my face, uncovering my true self. My weak and frail self.

But i wouldn't cry here. No.

I rushed down the stairs.
Ignored the pitiful stares that came my way.
It was like everyone knew.
But i didn't.
I was the lost one.

I run to my car, hurrying the chauffeur to pass me my keys as quick as possible.

A soft whisper of "thank you" leave my lips, before i make my way to my car.

I yank open the driver door and settle my self down slamming the door in the process.

My clammy hands grip the steering wheel, till my knuckles turning white. The veins in my hand coming alive, tears following soon after.

Once that first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream. The quiet shudder of my sob shatters through my body, my head colliding with my hands that rest on the wheel. I began to sob with the force of a person vomiting on all fours.

•

second chapter was way overdue but finally got round to doing it

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mwah.