Illness

Keep on being happy

Smile like your happy, fucking smile because that everyone expects after all you went through your spouse to smile and act ok. How don't people expect to be happy when you are tired of the pain, the tears, the blood, the medicine. The damn doctors offices! The stuiped emergency room I was brought 6 times in two months. The mad doctors, that keep explaining that I have nothing absolutely nothing wrong with. Then why doesn't the pain go away? Why couldn't I be normal human? I just wanted the damn answers, for my questions. I was tired of getting pity, I don't and never will need your sorrow because it will and never will help me. I have been through crap, and most of it nobody expected the people who did it against… I always told myself hurt me once, you get killed twice. I don't forgive twice, and I will never will do it I have gotten hurt to many fuckin ways you wouldn't expect. Pain is a complex problem we, as humanity's live to experience. But some people live through it more, that just shows who stronger mentality. The best fucking saying to have in mind is: it won't be your enemies who hurt you the most, it shall be the closest people bear you who will do it. I have experience that pain in ways nobody should have. The only reason I don't say it because it will break my mom's family, and she's one of the people I would kill to have happy. And I don't think and one should believe me at all if I told them the truth.  People say it will get better, pain goes away. Lies, the pain goes away but the memories, the metal pain doesn't and would never go away. I always have flashbacks of when my "illness" started. Running home, tears down my face just wishing what I have done to deserve the pain. With my sister telling me that its okay. Running to a wall kicking it to distract me from the pain, when my sister is opening the door I pushed through the door. I walk through the tiny apartment looking for something to throw, I'm even having a breakdown when I'm doing this. I start to throw pillows to distract me from this pain I feel. Bang, bang I feel coming through my ear drums. It been getting worse throughout the school day. End of flashback. Tears in my eyes, I continued with my story…..

Author note: hello people this is the first chapter enjoy.

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