✧ With Love ✧ || A Haikyuu Fanfic

✧ 7 || Oxymoronic ✧

Kei Tsukishima's POV

"Do you remember how Hinata rolling thundered his way into tripping Kageyama? It was so funny! He kept screaming at him for doing that and couldn't walk straight for a while afterwards. I don't understand how Nishinoya is so good at it though, being a libero must be hard," Yamaguchi rambled like always. A bright smile was stretched across his face, so bright that it would put the sun to shame.

I liked this. I liked talking to him like this. It was comforting to see someone I was close with so happy all of the time. It was as if it was contagious. I barely responded, however, because I didn't find it necessary to. He always knew I was listening, though.

Even though I'd never admit it, walking with Yamaguchi was always the highlight of everyday. The way he smiled, the way he laughed, the way he talked, I loved it all. Meeting him had to have been a miracle.

He was an angel. He deserved the world.

I wanted to protect him, to make sure he never got hurt. He was hurt enough in elementary school, he didn't deserve more.

"Sorry Tsukki! I've been talking too much," he said, scratching the back of his head.

"Shut up, Yamaguchi. You know I like listening to you."

His cheeks turned a shade of light pink, but I was positive mine were much darker. I looked away, hoping he wouldn't notice.

"Hey, Tsukki. I just... have a question..."

The air hung heavy. The tone in his voice told me that he was serious.

"Yeah?"

"I just... I wish I was as strong as you, you know? I'm scared that I might get bullied again and I don't want to be a burden. How do you do that? How are you so strong?" He looked up at me with his naive eyes.

"Oh." I looked straight ahead, wondering about how I should answer his question. "I'm not sure. I'm not even that strong, just cold."

He chuckled. "If you weren't strong, I wouldn't look up to you."

My world stopped.

And not in a good way.

✧✦✧

I gave my older brother a bright smile as he told me about all of the different games he played. And in my heart, I could feel a swell of happiness. He was so strong. He carried his team through every match. He was such a good role model.

I want to be just as strong as him, I thought.

"I want to be just like you!" I said to him.

He smiled at me warmly and rubbed my hair. "How come? I'm not even that strong."

"If you weren't strong, I wouldn't look up to you."

I didn't know everything he told me were lies.

And soon he left me.

Broken.

✧✦✧

I walked into the storage room at the end of practice, my head spinning due to the events that occurred. Avoiding Yamaguchi hurt me more than it should've.

I can't afford to hurt him. I can't let him down.

The only way to fix the problem was to avoid him. And that's what I was doing.

"Hey... Tsukki?" a familiar voice said from behind me.

I gritted my teeth. Push him away, the voice in my head told me.

I didn't turn around to look at him. "What?" I said in the harshest tone I could muster.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

He was silent for a moment. "Did I-" He stopped himself when his voice trembled. He was on the verge of tears, I could feel it.

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

I gripped the water bottle in my hand even harder. My heart sank.

He cleared his throat and continued to speak. "Did I do something wrong? Why are you ignoring me?"

I don't want to hurt you.

But I have to.

"I don't want to talk to you," I said in my usual monotone voice.

Perhaps it was my imagination, but I could hear his heart break.

I turned to walk away. I knew I had to get out of there fast, I couldn't afford to feel the shattering of my heart around him. The ground was slipping from beneath me, and he was slipping away, too. But it was okay, because I wanted that. I wanted that for him.

"Please don't leave!" he cried.

It stopped me in my tracks, making me stand right in front of the doorway.

Please don't do this to me, Yamaguchi...

"I said I don't want to talk to you," I stated through my gritted teeth. I finally turned to look at him. It was a terrible decision.

"But... why?"

He was trembling.

He was crying.

He was...

Broken.

✧✦✧

It's quite oxymoronic isn't it? To shatter the one you love to make sure they don't get hurt.

I chose the song Despair Imitation mainly because it works well with the flashback. The name of the song fits quite well, actually. Tsukishima is imitating the despair he once got from his brother.

And he left Yamaguchi broken.

✧✦✧

Okay, okay. Now that I've written something to rub salt in your wounds, here's my actual author's note:

:D

The angst is back my dudes.

It is Wednesday my dudes.

(I hope I get to publish this on a Wednesday)

If you liked this part, feel free to vote! Take a deep breath, things will be alright :D

With love,
Kiri ✧